When thinking is the only thing to do----this is what usually happens. :)
I'm having a headache but that doesn't hinders me from pouring out my thoughts and feelings. If I'll miss this moment, I wont be able to pull back again some of the relevant emotions that is crossing my mind right now.
Just got back from an enjoying long weekend family trip and I'm in so much awe with the creation of our Lord. I'm so blessed I had the rare chance to visit Saugatuck and South Haven Michigan and be able to witness and experience the wonderful obra of my King.
It seems like I wanna explode and I want to cry my heart out for reason I don't know and understand. I felt so "consumed--but empty". I have been loving my life and ever since I met the Lord, I have always been so content with whatever blessings He has bestowed but I can't explain the extremity of my feelings now since God isn't actually the reason of having it.
It's actually a battle of mind and emotions and I know I have been attack by the attacker but I'm not giving up the battle without fighting. It's just that, it's hard to win it without my protector with me and I'm clinging on to Him in this war hopeful that I'll be victorious to every battle.
---I don't know, I really wanna write but my heart just doesn't seem to cooperate with what my mind wanted to share.
I'm fine, but I'm not completely fine----
1. I miss my family back home.
2. I miss my life back home.
3. I miss my comfort zone.
4. I miss everything in the Philippines.
America isn't everything----It's not a land of milk and honey.
I'm glad I'm here but this is the only way I could help my family.
The only way I could offer to them for us to survive poverty.
The only way I can give them is MYSELF and my sacrifice.
And having done this, I miss myself.
I'm content that I have a big God with me-----and I don't want Him to leave and I'm sure He's not gonna leave..
But I'll leave myself----- :)
I'm tired of myself, that's ALL.
I am so much in love with the Lord and His Kingdom most especially the people around me including my enemy----but I just couldn't love myself more than them.
That's the reason, I need someone who could Love me more than I love my God and others to compensate what I cannot do and to complete the missing piece of ME.
I know he's out there and patience is what I'm building---
I'LL WAIT FOR YOU. <3
