It was yesterday when I felt that I am not worthy of anything.. but you know what, God really loves me that He sends instrument in way I don't even expect...
I couldn't stop from smiling now. I couldn't stop from praising Him and for just rejoicing for the victory. In the midst of defeat, the ray of victory is there--- we just have to open our eyes and walk slowly but surely.
I am just so glad that I endure this trial. I want to shout for joy for making me feel so happy and content. I was bold enough to say No to wickedness---well it wasn't me but the Holy Spirit in me! I just couldn't measure how awesome it is to be in this journey----
You are not assured of a storm free life but you are assured of a storm proof life!! and I can testify to that storm proof life!!! I have been into struggles and a lot of temptation---- but this time, it's different--- it's like I am a bit stronger than before.
I am loving the feeling! God, I know I am worthy! I am sorry if sometimes I felt that I am not---- but now, I am sure I am loved---- and I am far more precious than rubies!
I love you so much!!
I choose purity!
Wednesday, July 25, 2012
Tuesday, July 24, 2012
Physical Attraction
I am far more precious than rubies.
That's what the bible said about me. That I am precious! Isn't that a wonderful thing? But no matter what I do, no matter how many times I read it---- why is it not coming through me?
Why does it always feel like I am not precious in this world. That I am not worthy. That I am not important. I have a lot of blog post about the feeling of being loved by God and yes it's true.... He's the only one who's true to His words. It's just that the LOVE of God is far more precious than rubies but the people around me always makes me feel I am not worthy of these rubies.
I felt that I am just for fun, that I am just for lust and that no one will take me seriously~ I hate the feeling, but why is it that every guy I meet is only up to the physical level---- and no matter what they do, I am not compromising my faith now. I love God and I don't want to hurt him----
One time, I told myself--- "What if I'll allow myself to fail for the sake of feelings"---- but at the point of choosing to fail, the feeling of emptiness and unworthiness came forth. The feeling that why would choose to fail when I have the choice not to was there---and I did the right choice but I felt unloved. I felt that, I was only longed for because of "physical wants"--- I was only liked because of "physical attraction"----
This is so unfair. I'm tired of fighting this battle--- I am not suppose to fight for my own battle. I am not suppose to be alone in this journey--- but I felt that I am being left unguided.
God, what's wrong with me? Can you help? I am too tired to live life like this..
That's what the bible said about me. That I am precious! Isn't that a wonderful thing? But no matter what I do, no matter how many times I read it---- why is it not coming through me?
Why does it always feel like I am not precious in this world. That I am not worthy. That I am not important. I have a lot of blog post about the feeling of being loved by God and yes it's true.... He's the only one who's true to His words. It's just that the LOVE of God is far more precious than rubies but the people around me always makes me feel I am not worthy of these rubies.
I felt that I am just for fun, that I am just for lust and that no one will take me seriously~ I hate the feeling, but why is it that every guy I meet is only up to the physical level---- and no matter what they do, I am not compromising my faith now. I love God and I don't want to hurt him----
One time, I told myself--- "What if I'll allow myself to fail for the sake of feelings"---- but at the point of choosing to fail, the feeling of emptiness and unworthiness came forth. The feeling that why would choose to fail when I have the choice not to was there---and I did the right choice but I felt unloved. I felt that, I was only longed for because of "physical wants"--- I was only liked because of "physical attraction"----
This is so unfair. I'm tired of fighting this battle--- I am not suppose to fight for my own battle. I am not suppose to be alone in this journey--- but I felt that I am being left unguided.
God, what's wrong with me? Can you help? I am too tired to live life like this..
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