Tears slowly dripping down my face. I said YES.
Who would have thought that I am now slowly opening a new chapter of my life. Someone told me before, I can't be loved truly by a man. That marriage is a joke. That marriage are only for the deserving.
Looking back to all what was said and heard, I think and say, You're wrong. Indeed, when you think of marriage it's something that you don't want to regret. Something that is approved by the family and something that most especially offered to the Lord. Before, when I thought of marriage, it's a fairy tale, an end to a story, or a start of a chapter but now when I am embarking this journey, it's not what I thought it was. It's not fairy tale, nor a happy ever after. It's not even a story of a book that I will open but a beginning of a sacrifice. It's forgetting myself and thinking of others. It's when you think less about yourself and it's when you compromise even the things that you don't want to compromise. It's like surrendering without defeat. That's marriage.
When you're single and you think of marriage, all you can think about is happiness and the cloud nine idea of it but when you are actually in the process of jumping to this new beginning, it's overwhelming and scary. It's like an ocean full of unknown, deep, dark and wide. All you can see is the vastness of it but you will never see the other side of it. I'm excited of the new beginning but at the same time, I'm in need of people to encourage me that it's not scary and it's not dangerous. I'm in need of a mother who can tell me it's okay to surrender. I'm in need of a father who can tell me it's okay to fight and push more. I am in need of a friend who can tell me, it's okay to risk because they will be there. I'm in need of a God who always keep His promises.
See, in my teenage years I perceived marriage as a celebration but now I am trudging it myself, it's not only a celebration but an endless battle to fight for. It's not always victorious as a couple but if you add ONE in the midst of every battle, it will be an easier trip home. You may be defeated but you are not alone.
As I slowly walk this adult reality as they say, I can totally say to myself too. It's hard to be an adult. Gladly, my auntie was right all the while. I was not matured enough before because now I learned, sometimes immaturity can be an advantage if you want to live a life outside reality.
I'm not scared of marriage. I am just overwhelmed on the idea of it. Especially now that I am financially not ready for this, I feel like I have to just humble myself and trust that everything will work out just fine. People have asked me, why am I getting married and my answer was, because I feel that I'm ready but you know what, how ready is ready enough? Emotionally? Mentally? Financially? These are all factors that everyone should think before they would even leap a new beginning. So, am I really ready? Well, I can't really give the exact feeling and answer to that question but here's one thing I'm sure about.
When you know He's the one. You just know.
