Wednesday, February 22, 2012

For All it's Worth


Surrounded with huge buildings, beautiful houses, and flashy cars which are in great contrast to the place where I first witness the realities of life, with rocky roads, old buildings, houses made of empty wooden carts with a roof made of tarps containing political advertisement used in the previous elections and rusty old fashioned cars running around the city. I am embracing right now in a land flowing of milk and honey, compared to that of a single mom scavenging in a big pile of garbage with sweat running down her skin just to earn a dollar a day to sustain her families needs. I am surrounded with people throwing their delicious cheese burger because they are sick of eating it every single day, which is contrast to that of a kid begging, tapping my waist, asking for a peso because he haven’t eaten for the entire day. I am in a land where pepperoni pizza is like eating a slice of bread compared to a country where pizza for some is a once a year thing, or not at all.

Despite the financial struggle home, I am still able to come to United States of America . In awe with the blessings that has bestowed in me by the almighty God. A lung cancer patient who is continuously fighting for her life and a non-government organization worker who only earns $ 400 a month trying to feed his family to the full extent of his capacity has now a student of Moraine Valley Community College. I never thought of being able to study in this country. A dream not even close to becoming a reality. The struggle for survival for a day is what matters to us, not the highest of honors, not the wealth of life, not the prestige of achievement and not the abundance of delicious food.

To earn a quality and high standard education in Moraine Valley gave me an opportunity to hone my skills and earn an American Education that could help me and my beloved country in our continuous struggle for economic freedom. An education for a semester is like spending in my University School in the Philippines for 6 years. And with that said, the value of money is the first thing Moraine Valley taught me. Every penny counts, every dime is important, and every hour that I spent in the school is sweat dripping just to earn enough money to pay for the tuition. A day spent in the College is equivalent to a month of hard work of my fellow Filipino, 8 hours spent in school is enough to feed a poor Filipino family for 2 weeks,and an hour a day is enough to send an elementary kid to school. Every single minute I spend in the College is significant because I am also bringing with me the lives of every Filipinos in me. They are not the ones who are paying for my tuition but the thought of being a Filipino and knowing the realities of my fellowman, just gave me the responsibility to strive hard for success.

During one of my class, an American student asked me where I’m from, and I told him I am from the Philippines. His happy face turned into someone very confused and asked me straight, I’m sorry, where is that located? To my surprised, I just smiled back at him and answered, it’s in Southeast Asia. I felt deep pain when I heard him say those words, the 90 million people is part of the world but seems to be invisible to some of the teenagers in the United States. The reality just hit me real hard but it gave me even more reason to immerse and emerge myself in the community as a representative of my country.

Days rush in and the conversation that I had with the American teenager was still stuck in my head like a blood sucking lint. So I decided to take one small baby step and take the responsibility of introducing my country and my culture. I joined in a school organization that provides the American Student, a ground to know other countries culture, religion, tradition, norms, conduct, etc. Through this program which was offered by the Community College, I may now be able to share my culture to others and not just to that one teenager whom I cannot blame of not knowing something about my country but to every American willing to learn about my beloved Pearl of the Orient Seas, the Philippines.

Finally, as I journey to my student life in the United States, a lot of things will still be explored and a new experience will soon be discovered. I trust that Moraine Valley Community College and the people of the United States of America can share the required knowledge and skills to make the difference in the lives of our people in my beloved country. I am now just a step away from a “dream that I thought will forever be a dream” and now, I am moving my step forward to make it into reality.

Monday, February 20, 2012

Uncertainty of Temptation


A lovely day to spend some time for myself. I went to downtown Chicago alone for the very first time and the thought of me being alone in the big city was astonishing---- I am loving the challenge and the fun.

I was lost. I asked for directions. I enjoyed the bus rides even if I didn't know where I am heading. I felt the need to experienced it to check the uncertainty of things in this life. Speaking of uncertainty, that day marks a very important lesson in this world of uncertainty.

It was February 17, 2012 when I finally realized that I am still vulnerable and I haven't yet fulfilled what God wanted me to accomplish. I failed in His test.. I prayed that if only I will be given the chance to prove to Him that I can handle relationship, that I am ready to fall without disobeying Him, that I am not gonna fall short with my faith, that I am sure I wont let the lust of the flesh cover me------ BUT, I was wrong. God allowed me to experience what I asked of Him--- but the thing is, I wasn't able to endure the test of temptation... instead, I submitted to the things that I know I could have not done. To be honest, I wasn't regretful to what happened--- I am even glad it happened because it opened my eyes to understanding that uncertainties in life will always be part of my journey.

While I am in the verge of defeat, God has always been in me---- He was in my heart the whole time but my flesh is just so strong that I couldn't control myself and just stop. It happened for a reason and now that I know I am still vulnerable to failing Him with this, I am ready to take a few step forward and just keep my eyes focus on Him. I may have fall short in my faith, but I will progress--- I wont stop from learning and make my mistakes a ground for growth.

It happened and it wasn't just a mistake but a lesson that I should bring with me for the rest of my Christian Journey. I have the holy spirit in me but I am still not that strong. I still need to really press in with my faith and just keep on going. I may have failed in the test but I learned to get back up and strive even more. This is just to remind me that I am not yet there, not even close to it. And the things is, God will never give me temptations I can't bear. He just want me to climb up and endure the pain. At the end of the day, the journey will be worth it.


It has been 2 years that I haven't had anyone to cuddle with, to hug with, to kiss with--and now that you're here---my life will still be the same. I am not changing my route~ I am not changing my direction. I would still go to what God wants for me. You are just part of it and having you, just made my walk with the Lord even more joyful yet challenging. If having you means disobeying my God, I'd rather not have you despite the happiness in me of having you---- I would still choose my God than you---- because my life here on earth is temporary.

If I had live my life without you for 25 years, I can also do it now.... but I will never live my life without Jesus. You own an important part of my life now, but God owns all of me--- I would rather lose a part than lose my all---- ^____^

I'm glad you came into my life. You are just so uncertain and the uncertainty in you made me even stronger in my walk with the Lord. I am now ready for my next circumstance.

If only I can keep you---- then I will--- but keeping you means Obeying my God not disobeying Him. If you can't handle it, then the door is wide open.. YOU CAN LEAVE... :)