Flower's Bloom

Ayaw tutuki ug ayo ba kay malanay na! (Don't stare at it too long, it'll melt!).

If there's more to the word melt, then that's the best description of what I have been doing lately. I have been staring the whole time, waiting for the buzz and for the beep. It's like waiting for the flower to bloom in winter time. How long the waiting is gonna be in that case? 4 months? Oh well, at least there's always a time to wait---and a season to celebrate for. It means, no matter how long you're gonna wait, you know it'll come, I mean it'll bloom. You just don't know what the color and how beautiful it is.

It's like waiting for the right person to come, waiting without knowing who but you're always assured of the date. In my case, I know someone's coming but I don't know what color, what ethnicity, what tribe, how tall, how short, how big or how small----but one thing for sure, he should be in love with the Lord or else, I'll wait a little longer. ^____^

Waiting is never hard for me especially with the walk I have with the Lord. It's easy to wait with something to hope for than be late and get nothing but withered flower. Because you are too lazy to do your part. You could be so advance that you water the flower every minute and the consequence of being in a hurry, withered flower still. It's like life, if you'll make it fast and abrupt you'll end up traversing in a crooked path, complicated journey, unhappy lifestyle or even death.

So while waiting, I'm counting the stars----blowing the grains of the sand, feeling the breeze of the wind and rocking the deep blue ocean.

How long should I wait?

I don't know----

OPPOSITE ATTRACTS

I believe that in doing the opposite of what I feel during the hard times of my life makes my life a lot easier and enjoyable to travel.

Jesus told us to "LOVE OUR ENEMY" and that alone is not an easy thing to do but as I come to know Jesus Christ, believe it or not.. the word angry is hardly or not even used. The moment I get to encounter "anger", my spirit has an automatic reaction to balk the situation or even the 'emotion' itself. And it's a choice of not dwelling into the emotion that makes my day bright as it is without getting really affected of the situation.

If you're looking for a certain thing and you couldn't find it, you'll burst to anger and the rest of you're day will be affected even you're family or you're work will be affected, but try not to find the thing that you've been looking for, you'll be surprised in a just a matter of minutes it comes to you like a magic just happened. There's no magic, you're just doing the opposite and you did not allow emotions to ruin your day.

I don't know what comes into me why I'm writing this but I just felt that opposite of what I have been feeling has always been relevant in my daily life. From the roller coaster ride that I had going to the Ferris wheel, I will now be able to enjoy the slowness of the pace. From fast to slow, from left to right, from up to down, from daunted to comfortable, from negativity to positivity.

Everything is a choice. But you will never get to appreciate what is ahead if you'll not allow yourself to enjoy what's behind and what's happening in the present. You will never know how it is to enjoy happiness without being sad----but then again, it's good to be sad if you'll not bury yourself with it, if you're caught in the situation---- don't try to ask why? just do what you think is best and move forward. By asking, you're giving yourself a reason to think for the answers when you know you will have a hard time in looking for the answer---- the thing is, everything that is happening in our lives are worthy to be thanked for.

So, thanked God for everything----if you have been asking God why He gave you such kind of atrocity in life, why not thank Him for giving such. You're not wrestling with God, you're actually helping Him give you the answer. If you're in a situation wherein it's hard for you to stay out, then try not to ask God about you staying out---but thank Him that you are in that area in your life, later on you'll realized----you have enjoyed the journey without giving yourself a headache or getting yourself depressed thinking so hard and looking for a way out.

It's good to accept that we are weak and praise God for it, because we will never be the person that we are and the person we will be without being pressed down. If everything in life is easy and uncomplicated, we will never have the opportunity to bring ourselves up and build it.

A baby should start from being nurse, then crawl, then walk---sometimes they fall but they try again and walk and then they start running---but during the running, they sometimes fall---but they dust themselves up and back to walking...

That's how life should be. When need to crawl then walk.. when we feel like we are ready to run, we run---but when we run too much, we fall--- and when we fall, we shouldn't just stay there--sometimes we get too embarrassed that after we fall, we just wanted to sit or sometimes lay down for awhile which makes our travel slower----but you know what, making it slower is good as long as we allow ourselves to stand up after the stumble while we are enjoying the "rest and the recuperation".

NAUSEOUS RIDE

A friend named "FRANCIS REY BALOLONG" just told me last night after reading my latest blog post "Blind Folded Roller Coaster". Han, just enjoy your roller coaster ride but aren't you nauseous and dizzy about it? Point well taken and analyzed. It's good to be simple yet succinct about what I truly feel deep inside but I have to also consider the result of every actions and decisions I made.

At the first place who told me to ride? And who's decision to allow myself to be blind folded during the ride? I believe I have been so amazed on the loops of the ride that I didn't even notice that my amazement turned out to be controlled by 'unnecessary questions' and bothersome thoughts on what am I going to feel in every unknown turns and flips. I didn't consider my feeling of being nauseous and dizzy after the entire ride.

And right now, I am starting to feel nauseous about it but no one's to be blame to what I am feeling because it's me who choose the ride. It's me who allow myself to be blind folded when I could just take it off and enjoy the view and feel the strong hush of the wind. The dizziness in me now cause me to feel excited to come down and look for another ride.

Ferris Wheel maybe? It's easy and slow---and that's how my feeling should be right now.

I have to slow it down and I should try to appreciate the views while it goes UP and DOWN. Sometimes, it's nice to take the ride alone although it's better if you'll have someone with you while enjoying the rest of the adventure.

Blind Folded Roller Coaster

I prayed for it so now it's answered it's just a matter of submission.

The feeling is not excruciating but it's full of questions and doubts. It just bothers me when I think of him. It bothers me when he's online. It bothers me when I miss him. It bothers me when I am always worried of what he is doing. It bothers me. It just bothers me. It bothers me. I just couldn't accept the fact that the more time I am not seeing him and talking to him, the higher the chance of falling in love. The more I force myself to just enjoy the journey and not push ourselves with circumstance, the more I allow myself to fall into the pit of love.

I thought it wont come into a point of missing him so badly to the point that I will just have to stare on his name in ooVoo waiting for him to click the call button. I am not really the type who do the first move although I am expressive and I am true to what I am feeling, I still find it improper. The more I indulge myself with the "missing so badly game"---the more reason I find to like him even more.

I believe in God's way of making 2 person meet together and having this kind of emotional attachment to someone is like a roller coaster ride with your eyes blind folded. You may enjoy the ride but you will never have the opportunity to enjoy the sight and the UP's and Down's of the ride. You find yourself surprised in every movement no matter it's up or it's down, left or right---- the ride is still unknown.

I remember I tried the Dark Knight ride in Six Flags. It's a roller coaster ride but you don't know when to fall and when the train flip to the right or left or up---all i know is I am inside the train, preparing myself to every surprise movement.

Just like what I felt now, it's a guessing game. It's a trudging the unknown and preparing yourself to fall or to climb up--- to turn left or to turn RIGHT. It doesn't matter where you are going, what matter most is that you are enjoying your butt out and just scream out during the ride.

And now, I know Exactly what I wanted to do----'SCREAM'---

Splash of Summer

A splash of summer 2011 and few more days left and it's goodbye for Mr. Sunshine and hello Fall then winter!! So I don't wanna miss the moment without wearing a bikini with my cousins.

hahahah!

Believe it or not, this is the very first time I wore a bikini with confidence. Most of the time, I always wear board shorts and the top---Now, I did not care on how others look at me and my jiggly body~ It's actually an experience and I never thought of it as significant but it's cool!! And my auntie is right in saying that I should try stuff I haven't tried yet while I'm young because time flies so fast, in a blink of an eye---all will just be part of our memory.

I may find it awkward at first and I am kinda hesitant----and I even hated the fact wearing it maybe because I am used to the Philippine culture (daghan pud manyak sa Pilipinas gud) hahaha! Good thing I'm in America and you know I realized people here don't even care on what you wear or who you are----and I just realized when will be the time I am going to do it so even though it was so hard for me, I did it!

And I think next time, I'll do it again. ^____^ When before I have always been so worried of my jiggly baby fats and I just don't find it nice to flaunt my body to everybody. But it changed my perspective--- sort of?

Sometimes, it's also good to try things that you haven't yet tried. After all life is temporary and every minute counts.

Forever a Day

"Forever a day"----a statement or should I say a question glued into

my mind after watching the movie.

Kaya mo bang magmahal ng taong alam mong mawawala rin sayo? :)

Indeed a question that is easy to comprehend but it requires a lot of effort to think. Accepting the fact may be hard and letting go might be even harder but loving and living with someone day by day waiting for the life clock to just stop from ticking is the hardest. I couldn't envisioned myself being in a position waiting for my loved one to just stop from breathing. I could on the other hand envision myself on the position of the one "dying" but my courage for death wont be as the same courage that I have on the willingness to leave my loved ones.

I am ready to die any time but I am not ready to leave yet. The thought of me leaving pains me a lot especially that I haven't yet done anything for them. I haven't yet told them that life is something that is temporary and needs to be appreciated for day by day. That life is not just living here on earth but living it eternally with the Lord. That life is full of the unknown but it takes a leap of faith to believe that there's is more to breathing and living. That every single step in our journey requires Jesus' guidance and helping hand for the walking. It's just for us to reach out for the hand and walk with Him with faith.

A courageous life may seemed complicated and entangled but no matter how

difficult or hard our life may be or our life may lead us, we have a Shepherd to guide us on our way up. We just have to continue to seek for His name and call on Him all the time because we are always assured of rest despite the steepness of the way we are climbing.

It's hard for me to look for a "Eugene" in my life here on earth but I already met my "Eugene" even before the day I was born and He is with all the days of my life and will always be with me up to the end of time.

My life clock may stop from ticking but my Lords Love wont stop from flowing.

Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and the door shall be opened to you. (Matthew 7:7)

EXPLOSION

It's early and I'm early. Four hours of sleep from cake making and cousins (Chelsea and Denise) bonding.

I really wanted to just explode and just express what I am feeling but it's just so hard to put everything into writing when you don't even know what's bothering your mind. Is it someone? or is it just me making every thoughts complicated even without it being a BIG deal for me or for others.

I miss someone, but I don't have the right to miss this special creation even though "my heart feels she did". Sometimes, it's good to reprimand your heart and instruct her to just get rid of it while it's still manageable. Sometimes, I just wanted to pound it so hard for her to just listen to every given statement that I make but she always insist to what she wanted so I allow myself to compliment her and give her my consent with a touch of comfort to slow down a bit.

It's been a week without a facebook and it's been a relief for me. It's hard at first but it's a way of putting back the privacy from the roller coaster community. I know I am tempted sometimes but it's my obedienc

e to the Lord who controls myself every time. He's right that I have to give myself a break and discover new horizon and He has always been right to whatever circumstance in my life because now, I am back to writing again and I am able to dig the deeper side of me that have been sleeping forever. I guess it has been a year since the last time I shared my thoughts to the world.

Unlike facebook, through blogging I am able to release my sudden burst of emotions through writing without 2000 plus facebook friends knowing what I feel. It's still random but the difference is, I am free to express my thoughts without it being commented and liked by someone else. Everything is random and free falling.

Although I could not stalk other people's profile, the thing is it's just so amazing to feel secluded to the outside world and just think about yours once in a while. I am so much attached with everybody before that I am missing bits and pieces of my life.

It's time for me EXHALE. Allow me to share my thoughts when I felt the need to do it. You don't have to necessarily know, I just wanted to share. So just let it go!

Expiration Dates

As I was contemplating on my way home from a half day Lincoln Park Zoo Visit in Chicago, Illinois, a realization just dawned on me. Food has expiry dates. For others you may find it non sense, but for me I find it really a sensible thought that could possibly popped out in someone's mind. It popped out in mine, so it should be sensible not necessarily significant. *wink*

My first time zoo experience was a memory that will be kept for a lifetime and you may be wondering, what's the connection of the zoo and the food expiry dates I am talking about... Nothing actually, I just find it relevant while writing this article since it's my first time to see a giraffe, hipo, rhino, camel, alpaca, gorilla, chimpanzee

and kangaroo. hahhah~ and that's just awesome!

Back to my realization on foods expiry dates. As you can see, food is what we need to survive but there's an expiration date for it. You need to be very careful with the expiration and you should check on the food once in a while because an inch of mistake even a day later on the date of the foods expiration could hurt your stomach, could poison you or perhaps kill you.

Like feelings, it's capricious but it's a continous checking of the 'special someone' to make you feel secured every time. You have to be very careful of the expiration date to oviate yourself from being

hurt, poisoned or perhaps die. This may be an overstatement for some but it's actually possible for everyone to experience this or maybe some of you are already experiencing it.

Like food, you may consumed everything but at least you had an idea of it being expired or not. And like relationship, even if it expires at least you already have a warning. It prepares you from the consequences of being left or unrequited.