Physical Attraction

I am far more precious than rubies.


That's what the bible said about me. That I am precious! Isn't that a wonderful thing? But no matter what I do, no matter how many times I read it---- why is it not coming through me?


Why does it always feel like I am not precious in this world. That I am not worthy. That I am not important. I have a lot of blog post about the feeling of being loved by God and yes it's true.... He's the only one who's true to His words. It's just that the LOVE of God is far more precious than rubies but the people around me always makes me feel I am not worthy of these rubies. 


I felt that I am just for fun, that I am just for lust and that no one will take me seriously~ I hate the feeling, but why is it that every guy I meet is only up to the physical level---- and no matter what they do, I am not compromising my faith now.  I love God and I don't want to hurt him---- 


One time, I told myself--- "What if I'll allow myself to fail for the sake of feelings"---- but at the point of choosing to fail, the feeling of emptiness and unworthiness came forth. The feeling that why would choose to fail when I have the choice not to was there---and I did the right choice but I felt unloved. I felt that, I was only longed for because of "physical wants"--- I was only liked because of "physical attraction"----  


This is so unfair. I'm tired of fighting this battle--- I am not suppose to fight for my own battle. I am not suppose to be alone in this journey--- but I felt that I am being left unguided. 


God, what's wrong with me? Can you help? I am too tired to live life like this..