AN INNOCENT POISION

It's exactly 12:48 am---- a sudden explosion from the inside of me. My heart couldn't stop from beating fast--- I am smiling but deep inside of me I am also confuse if I am happy of God's way of answering my prayers. I am shocked by abrupt changes surrounding me and sometimes I just want to close my eyes to the world. Breath in---- breath out~ inhale---exhale!! I'm shaking and it's not even cold---- The heater is on and I'm wearing a sweater~~~I don't know if I should be wondering why, but one thing for sure----- my heart is not feeling well and my body is not too. My heart is pounding so hard that it could almost crack open my chest. I guess---- I am hurt. OH, no not really--- I guess I am soooooo hurt!!! And I am glad I'm feeling it---- It's been awhile heartache!! I haven't felt you in a very very long time, and now I'm feeling you again, welcome back!

I know am loved by a very very awesome God and I am so much blessed despite the pain inside of me. That's what they said, Praise God despite sufferings, pains and heartaches. And that's what I am doing---and I will be doing it for the rest of my life. 

This is the first time after a very very long time of not being able to feel such abyss of pain. A hole inside of me was again planted--- a feeling that I did not want to feel again but it's here, waking me up after a long sleep. I thought sleeping beauty will be awake by a Prince Charming's kiss, but not anymore--- she could actually be awake by Prince Charming's fake innocent smile of affection. A phony sweet caress---- A false embrace of sweetness. A naive by appearance--- but it's deadly. 

I was clearly enjoying the look of innocence covering the real sweet scent of poison inside of him. A clear picture of darkness in the form of light. I am not stupid, he is not bad--- he is just too conscious of the people that he thought of just faking it for the sake of saving the Princess Life.  But the sad thing was, he killed the princess----- he woke her up from a long deep sleep, but he woke her up with pain around her---a new journey to trudge for the princess and it will be a very very long one.

She thought it was her Prince Charming's Kiss who saved her but it was just a kiss---- no more than that--- no feelings, no love--- no emotions. And the moment the princess realized it, it was too late for her and everyone in the palace to save her---- The poison was already inside of her... physically? you can see her----

She's not dead but her heart was closed---- 

no feelings, no emotions..

just life-- 


But---- a life, with God is a life worth living for~~ so, she might be living in confusion and pain as of the very moment---- but God said, though the sorrow may last for the night, JOY COMES IN THE MORNING! 

and yes, she's me--- and I'm holding on to God's promise, because He is my only King, greater than the prince...

and God will never leave me, nor forsake me..  ^_~

was I mad? no I am not--- I am hurt, and it's good to be hurt when you know it's right.  

When God said Love one another as I love you. He did not say, expect to be loved in return--- He just said, Love one another... :)

So, just because I'm hurt I will stop from loving others-- no I won't..

because love is not relative. It's free flowing-- it's a gift.