Respect well deserve!

When is respect appropriate?

It was only a phrase-- mistakenly used by few others as an expression, for some it's a way of life, and sometimes it's use as a statement--- but for someone like me it's a fast and sharp knife stuck into the depths of my chest.... "fuck you"---  

With the intention to make someone listen and know that you care--- it can be taken against you as a negative criticism. It pains to know that caring too much can lead into a deeper and excruciating cut. Wounded, it was easier to heal it my way but the more you wake up each morning with the hope to just forget what he made you feel that day, it even creates more deeper scar. It's slowly eating me and sad to know---- my perspective for the future has changed after it. 

Respect. Every person deserves it and everyone are entitled to live an honorable life despite position, profession, ambition or connection . Human as we are, we are not valued in how much money we earn or how academically excellent we are---but we are given that value through nice but simple gesture from people who makes us feel love and cared for. However, is it still love when a person curse you? Does he really care if he didn't think of your feelings before saying something hurtful and inappropriate--- I guess, You will know your importance from a person by preserving the trust you deserve----- but the moment it's broken, it's hard to repair it and not look back to the "simple" mistake yet created a very deep cut and bleeding. It was fatal. 

FUCK YOU, it's only but a phrase that made the tunnel dark..  Darker..


*tears*


Then, I thought--- If those words are enough reason to let go of the amazing and Godly person in Him, I will be stupid to go and leave.  Yes because those times when he said those words, those were the moment I needed to embrace him the most. They said, if they can't handle you in your worst, they don't deserve your best-- So who am I to judge someone base on a mistake when I already know who he is in Christ.

To make the long story short, it's okay to vent out. To release when you're hurt but holding it against them because you are hurt is not always the right case. Sometimes, it's better to look at them as Who made them and not who they are at the moment and intimately pray to God for a change heart. I am grateful that I have friends to remind me that we are in the world but we are not of the world and this is a spiritual warfare. Our hurt feelings doesn't come from the people that we love but from the enemy of Christ who whisper them those evil thoughts that made them that way.


So he might have said those words to me, but guess what---- it's either I let it destroy me or I let it build us together and learn from it.

Surrender but Fight

Growing in Faith is a countless and continuous battle of surrender but with the ability to fight  back despite the hardship. 

The battle began when I accepted Christ as my personal savior and since then, I remained walking with my arms stretch forward hoping to see and feel God's warm embrace in the end.

Until now, I'm still stretching my arms wide but instead of hoping for God to embrace me in the end, I purposely put down my arms and rest for I became tired and weary of the wait. However, during those moments, I felt the emptiness of the walk, my joy was gone, my excitement was in vain and my journey was nothing but a blank journey. "I knew He was there, I knew He was waiting, I knew He was looking and watching at me, but I just decided not to look at Him and just do things my way." 

I decided to look around and I felt happy temporarily but after awhile, my short term happiness felt like nothing. I was mad of my decisions, I was upset of my journey, I was even disappointed of Him, why do I have to experience all these.

After awhile, I still did not get what He wanted me to learn. I did not even know if He really still want me or He is over with me. 

I know I hurt Him and I was hurt too but I was too selfish and too worldly that I forgot, I don't belong here anymore.  Part of me was gone, I know how to get back but I felt I wasn't strong enough to get back-- I allowed my emotions to control me again and I allowed my abilities only to do what I am suppose to do. "I totally lost the strength of all because I was too focus on my abilities as human when in fact, the only thing I have to do is SURRENDER."

It's an easy word for some but the hardest when you're in times of struggle and triumph to victory--- It's crawling towards the mountain of success. It's success, but you have to first crawl to have it. I've lost my will to fight, and all I can do was give up... then it dawned on me, I only have to give up--- that's it!

Indeed, the moment I said I was tired. He hand me his arm and said, thank you for coming back. It was a wonderful return of affection and the moment I felt His embrace, I knew it was the greatest return of my journey. I felt joyful, I felt the peace once again, and I felt I belong, that I don't have to worry of my worthiness because it's not me all along but Him. 

That I don't have to condemn myself but rather, fight back even at the point of surrender. I felt that Christ in me reminded me again of how worthy I am that He died for me. It's done and It's finish.

All I have to do is SURRENDER but fight.

I will continuously endure every struggle and no matter what happen and will happen, I will not stop from sharing the gospel of Christ because it molded me to become the person I am now and I will accept every challenge of faith that He has for me. It's high time, to declare that every battle will be won because He who is in me is greater than He who is in the world..

A COUPLE'S RECOMMITTMENT

AS COUPLE,  WE WILL...


1. LIVE BY THE SPIRIT

2. HAVE A DAILY BIBLE READING AND SHARING

3. CONSTANTLY ATTEND CHURCH AND WORSHIP

4. HAVE ACCOUNTABILITY WITH MATURED FOLLOWER

5. HAVE INVENTORY OF OURSELVES, OUR WEAKNESSES AND BAD HABITS.

6. INSTEAD OF ASKING HOW WE ARE, WE ARE TO ASK HOW'S OUR FAITH.

7. END OUR NIGHT WITH A BIBLE VERSE.

8. DO GOD'S MINISTRY



WE DECLARE THAT..

1. WE WILL GROW TOGETHER IN SIMILAR KNOWLEDGE, WISDOM, GROWING IN THE WORD, GROWING IN TIME AND FELLOWSHIP WITH GOD. LEARNING FROM EACH OTHER, CARING ABOUT EACH OTHERS NEEDS SPIRITUALLY.

2. REAL CIRCUMSION AND ACCOUNTABILITY

3. TOGETHERNESS FOR THE LORD NOT OURSELVES

4. LEADERSHIP AND MATURITY

5. OBEDIENCE

6. GROW GODS KINGDOM

7. VICTORIOUS LIFE

8. DAILY SANCTIFICATION



JESUS IS OUR CENTER!

Explosive Thoughts

Roller Coaster Ride is an understatement to what I'm feeling right now.  It's a combination of stomach ache and headache with chest pain and allergies. Well if you can handle it, I am trying to.

A rainbow of emotions should I say but it's not as colorful as I want it to be. It's vivid but it's dark, it's clear but it's blurry. Every person has their own weaknesses and every weaknesses has it's own point of outburst. For some reason I don't really feel like sharing it but when I can usually write something nice when I'm unstable in my thoughts. So let me dig in to my whirlwind thoughts that is slowly killing me if I will not let it out. 

Imagine yourself in a very quiet place surrounded with flowers and butterflies with beautiful birds singing around you and trees all around you. It's beyond happiness isn't it? But in the midst of your humming and your creative imagination, an explosion happened. What are you going to do? Run? Stay? Hide? or just calmly walk away? In situations like that, we don't really know exactly what else to do when we are experiencing it--- but if we think of it deeply, then it's a completely different perspective. We can't always plan how we really react or how we respond to the situation-and human as we are, we are created with cells, atoms and electrons that send signals to our system which push us to respond on things be it negatively or positively. 

In a situation, as much as we want it to be handled perfectly-- we never really know how to and what to respond when we are bombarded with sudden thoughts and explosive assumptive messages. We try to control ourselves to not overly react to it, but we don't really have the chance to process our thoughts. There will be times in our lives that we will respond to certain circumstance dramatically. Needless for us to say the right words, we tend to forget the value of self control in our lives. We allow ourselves to be defeated with thoughts that's never really meant to be there, or assumptions that's never really meant to be said or judgment that never really meant to be uttered. It's like "oops, I'm sorry I said that" I didn't really think about it or intend that--- but it's too late for us to say. That's only when our mind now is moving and doing it's job to suppress the emotions and wake wisdom and discernment up.  And as much as we want to take it back, it can't be undone. 

Then in the middle of your imaginative mind, after the explosion--- you figured you ran in the wrong direction and you are headed for destruction but you didn't want to go back because you think you can make it out. It's like PRIDE, we thought our pride can help us but it actually help us destroy ourselves.  We might be running but are running in circles, no direction, no guide and definitely only led by Prideful spirit. I realized that our Pride can't help us in any way, nor our "running away" will too--- it will only make the matter worst and will make it more complicated. 

Looking back, our imagination can bring us to something really amazing but it can also bring us to something complicated. We rationalize our situations sometimes that we forget that the only problem really was US, we just didn't want to admit it for ourselves. We sometimes assume that the situation can be easily understood but for others, it's as complicated as they see us to be. So better yet, before we jump into a conclusion or respond to an explosion---- be calm but stay alert. It'll probably help us be better individuals in our next volcanic eruptions. 

Kidding aside, I'm happy to be called insecure, jealous and that I should act like I am a real "child of God".... because it made me realized how  BIG my God is and How awesome of a creation I am. Someone died for me 2000 years ago and that's more than enough for me to present myself as "weak but strong because of HIM"--- Lost but found, Sinned but redeemed, In darkness but now living in the light, insecure but now secured and jealous but now assured. People can call me names and judge me but my old self is long gone and dead. They can never pull me down and take me away from the Love of our Lord. I am very aware that I am weak in some areas and I know God is working in me through this situations--- Thus, I will pursue more of Him rather than pursue of my thoughts and nonsense point---- it'll surely make me better and transform me to become more sensitive to others as well. 

When thoughts becomes explosions, It's loud and it can destroy the person, the situation or the relationship. For now, let me enjoy the revelation of understanding---- and let me not mourn over what is not worth it. 

Create in me a clean heart o God and renew the right spirit within me. 

From A Daughter's Love

A very long and deep sigh. If only it can help me from not thinking of what's missing now in my life----  mother. 

Mother. A word that can mean a lot in a persons life. For some it may mean sacrifice, for others it may mean food, or maybe it means nagging but for me, it means everything! 

Having her means everything. 
She sometimes nag, hit, and disciplines but she cares even without the need for us to say. 
She loves-- even without the need for her to feel. 
She provides--- even without the reciprocation.
She smiles even though she's hurting.
She compromise just to see us smiling.
She may have a lack in other things, but she completes us in all things. 
She takes care of us when sickness arises. 
She feeds us great food despite the difficulty of being able to feed all. 
She laughs at her weaknesses and think of us more than herself.
She cries in secret.
She shows herself strong despite the pain inside of her. 
A superwoman. A hero. A best friend. A wife. 

I miss all of her---- how she smiles, how she handled herself, how she took care of us, how she brought light to us, how she provided us with strength in our weak days, how she danced in front of us, how she calls us, how she stare at us when we did something wrong, how she just walk away when she's angry, how she laughs at our stupid jokes--- 

When we first knew that she had cancer---- We didn't know exactly what to do. We questioned God, we questioned our faith--we got mad! But we can only do but question and ferociously react to the situation. We don't know what His plans was----- so we didn't have a choice but to surrender despite it being unfair and painful. 

And now, looking back--- I can't help but regret the missing days I wasn't able to spend to my superwoman. I wish God gave me more than two weeks----- but that was God's way and it's not for us to question Him but to accept and embrace the situation with Faith. 

To be honest, I was so hurt why does it have to be my family? Why does it have to be us? why does it have to be my mom? why cancer? why lung cancer? 

Like the other families who experienced the same, we can't help but question life's uncertainties. However, if we compare ourselves to someone who never had the opportunity to say their "I love you's" to their mom because of a car accident, heart attack or any other incident that don't allow them to share their love--- we are so much better. 

I am still blessed I had my greatest two weeks with her. I am blessed I was able to take care of her. To tell her I love her so much. To spend time with her and to show her that we will never give up fighting and believing for a miracle. Up to her last breath, she knows that we believed for a miracle, we believed that if God will let us borrow her, God will. 

My mother's cancer made us closer to each other. We became closer as a family. We talk, we share, we appreciate each other. We became each others strength and we tap each others back for support. Unfair as it may sound, cancer was the bridge for us as a family---- It's wrong and it's never right to say thank you to this deadly disease, but we learned something from it. We learned that family is our greatest possession. I just wish cancer wasn't the way for that----

So, I'm writing for those of you who still has a mother, a father, a brother and a sister. It's time for all of you to share your love--- to express it, even if it's awkward. To say "i love you" even if you're not used to it. It's not yet too late to become close to each other. One of you should step up and find a way to celebrate life together.  Play board games together, hang out together, eat out, do picnic, or maybe watch a movie. This is the only gift I can give to all of you---- I loss my mother at the age of 26 and it's never easy--- life is always incomplete and there's always that missing piece in your heart that only her can complete.

I thought 26 years is enough to say I've done my mom great things, but now she's gone, I'm not even close to 1% of what she did. 

TO ALL OF YOU WHO STILL HAS A MOM, INVITE YOUR MOM TO DINNER, ASK HER OUT, SURPRISE HER, BUY HER THE BIGGEST BOUQUET OF FLOWERS, KISS HER IN THE LIPS EVERYDAY, CUDDLE HER, TELL HER YOUR SECRETS, MAKE HER YOUR BEST FRIEND, HUG HER OFTEN, SHOP WITH HER, SHOP FOR HER, DO GROCERIES FOR HER, COOK WITH HER, COOK FOR HER, MAKE HER FEEL LIKE A QUEEN... because she made you feel like a princess/prince.

I only did the ordinary for her, I didn't go an extra mile to show her "she is special and I am proud I have her..." and the last small thing I did, was to serve her in her death bed.

They said, you'll realize someone's value when they're gone.. I learned mine the hard way. And the only way for me to make it up, if you will let your mom feel and do what I haven't. 

Let me end this with a hopeful heart that this can inspire others to appreciate every moment they have with their family. We will never be perfect, no families are--- but we have one common denominator--- that's LOVE! Share it, spread it, show it! 

A Dream

Dreams are Free. 

Waking up in a beautiful summer weather will definitely inspire someone to go out and bask under the sun. It's bright, full of colors, leaves dancing-- sometimes you can even hear the birds singing. A very blissful way to celebrate life. Free. 

Like the summer weather, dreams are full of bliss and brightness. You want your surrounding to just conspire with what you are dreaming and fancy as it may sound, you want it to become a reality. Like any other individual, I have dreams. 

If only I can express it and make it into a reality now, I would have done it. I close my eyes thinking of the greatness of dreams that I can imagine of and I refuse it to only be an imagination.  

Coming from a third world country, it has always been a blessing to be able to step to a first world country----however, I feel secluded and limited and despite a dream being free, it can sometimes be impossible to someone ordinary like me. 

27 years living in this roller coaster world, enough to witness it's realities. Not being pessimistic about life, but a simple dream to get into masters degree is even as hard as climbing a tree. It's easy for some, but not for me. 

Dreams are free, but until when shall I be dreaming and when is it gonna end? If only money is easy to find, if only brains can be manipulated, if only schools are lenient with the application, if only I have the opportunity like the others, if only I have the connection, if only I can meet a wealthy old man randomly and offer me free education, if only I can win the lottery even without the need to buy a ticket, if only I have the means to achieve my simple dream, I would have done it a long time ago. 

Dreams can probably be achieved as easy as eating potato chips and yes, my description of dreams can be funny for some, and maybe it made you laugh a little bit, but deep inside----- I am hoping that dreams can be easily reach. 

I have only but simple, and it's even hard to get. How much more the bigger ones, that I haven't shared you yet. 

On  the other hand, as human, it is very natural for us to be in a hurry because we felt that is what is expected of us. We never really realized that God is actually in control of our situation and we are suppose to only submit and surrender.

It's very clear in the bible that we should wait expectantly, TRUSTING GOD to help, for He has promised (Psalms 130:5). God also said that no one who waits for my help will be disappointed (Isaiah 49:23). 

To add, in Habakkuk 2:3, it's says there, "These things won't happen right away. Slowly, steadily, surely, the time approaches when vision will be fulfilled. If it seems slow, do not despair, for these things will surely come to pass. JUST BE PATIENT! They will not be overdue a single day!

These are only some of God's promises to us and guilty as I am, my flesh can sometimes be weak and can sometimes be deceived. However, my circumstances won't stop me from seeking more of His presence and from TRUSTING even more to His amazing purpose.

Dreams, I have many.! And I am claiming each of these dreams to happen daily. I shall wait!

In Micah 7:7, I will wait confidently for God. So, that's what I am doing.

And despite of my dreams being impossible to achieve now, I will not stop from hoping and trusting that nothing is impossible with God. Maybe now I am only in a hurry and God is not--- eventually, my dreams will come to a reality... And if it's not, maybe God has different purpose for my life and I'm sure it's the best!

ALWAYS THE BEST.

Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future"

LOVE---- In LOVE~

If "In-Love" is the right word, let me then be guilty of it now. I am not saying I am in love with the person, rather I am in love with Jesus inside of Him.  

At some point of our life, we thought of a Snowhite ending, or a Cinderella beginning of a love story. Sometimes, a poetry like Romeo and Juliet or a Nicolas Sparks tragic melodramatic love affair. 

"We sometimes create a paradise in our own crazy reality. But we don't realize that those fictional stories of romantic appearance of two couple in love with each other are only but a representation of a vanity." 

We are living in a world where fairy tales don't really happen and mostly, a tragic ending of a wonderful beginning is usually the reality that we are living. 

WE can't blame it to the culture nor to the different circumstance of every individual.

However I have one great thing I know that is missing in this broken world of ours. That is, "LOVE". 

When we talk about LOVE, immediately-- we could think of a couple being tied together in affection or intimacy.

 Nowadays, love is defined differently by most people. For others, it's the absence of hate. But the moment I finally figured out myself what love is all about, I was amazed on the complete 360 degrees turn of my understanding of people and life. 

Love was Christ. Love is Christ. It's as simple as that. Yes, they won't get it and probably others would be hysterical about it, but it won't stop me from exploring the other side of the mountain. I was hungry to know HIM, so I created a relationship with Him without the missing "guy" that I've been praying about. It was the greatest decision I've ever made and in fact, I am content with it. 

When the moment I finally completely surrendered to the Lord my situation and circumstances, it's when God opened the doors for a new beginning.

It didn't happen overnight  but enough to understand LOVE. And now that I am in a relationship with someone which I thought its not possible, I am keeping my covenant with the Lord and the commitment that I first made with Him before I met my special someone.

I am happy to say that I am in love with Him (Jesus) and He is slowly teaching me how to do it with my relationship with others.

For now, I can proudly say that even if he will not be in my future, but by God providing me with the answer to my doubts on men-- it's more than just a victory attained. 

Indeed, God proved me---- that not all men are the same. And now, He did-- I  am confident that whatever it is that is in store for both of us, it's not for us to make plans about it but it's for the Lord to direct our path each step of the way. So to all single individual out there, it's not end of the world just because you don't have someone.

Instead, read your bible, create a relationship with God and continue to seek Him and His presence.

Love is not a Feeling

I asked my boyfriend if I can post this in my blog--- since he approved it that's why I'm posting it! To God be the glory! To have an amazing relationship with other person is to first create one with the Lord.

"Seek me with all your heart and you will find me" _Jesus_

So, here's my Bear's message:

Hi bee! How is my queen bee doing? I hope you are doing well and depending on the time you get to sit down and read this, I hope your day and your night bring you joy and happiness. Your big bear misses you! He wanted me to tell you how much he misses you and thinks of you! He knows he needs to wait on the Lord for all good things and trust in Him, so may you be reminded of this also.

This card paints the picture of a friendship that is meant to last through thick and thin. There are rainy storms of life and I your bear desire to be with you no matter what. To fight for you, to defend and protect you. To provide for you and to hold you and comfort you...to love you.

I know that trusting in God will help us get there. He is able to work on our behalf in unimaginable ways. I am trusting Him to be everything for me so that I can extend His love to you babe. I think about you quite often. Wondering how my baby's day is going, what she's doing, how your family is doing, and also how you are influencing others in doing the Lord's work.

I'm looking forward to the future but I also realize the present is at hand. I realize and understand there are times when we have to give a little bit more than we are comfortable with. I know babe that you are like superwoman and that even though you may be exhausted some days, the Lord is helping you finish strong. I support you and know that the present is just as important as the future. I want you to know that I will seek the Lord in my present and use faith in my now for our future.

There's something very special and unique about you, and you are the apple of my eye! It doesn't always make the most perfect sense, but in my gut I know I met you for more of a purpose than just to find a new friend or meet a new acquaintance. Just in thinking back to our minimal first two weeks spent with each other, I knew that I would not settle for less. I wanted to get to know you more and spend more time with you. I still feel this way babe! I still do!

I am not God but I believe He can grant us the desires of our heart. The Lord knows where I need Him. But I also desire a Godly woman to be my counterpart and companion. This is my decision. And I will continue dwelling on that fact that yes I do WANT to be a married fellow someday and be an example to my future wife as the Lord counsels me.

For now sweetie, let us live in the moment! Have faith for our future and whatever God allows may we be absolutely content with. Even though I will vouch for you, I realize there is a time for every season of life. I know God works best when He isn't rushed. He is an expert marksman with time. May we trust in Him! I need to! I'm missing you babe but I know that God can and should always be my center first. That I cannot have a restless heart! I need CHRIST!

Of course I like to go on and on.. let me end by saying this:

Love is not a feeling that can get tossed into the ocean whenever a storm comes. Love is part of the ship. It remains through thick and thin. Love never fails. Love dies with the ship as it also sails with the ship. All I want for you is to be loved and cared for because I believe you are worth it - because you are! Jesus proved it when He died for your sins and gave you a new life. So yes, love is not a feeling or a mixed emotion. Love is an eternal flame that does not or cannot be extinguished. Love is of God and from God. Love is God. God is eternal so love is eternal and lasts forever. I want to be engraved in the ship. I want to be stuck to the boat! That no matter the course of the ship, no matter the weather that may come, no matter the tossing of seas or the fearful situations, I pray that I will hold my ground and always remain. I pray I will always live a life of love. Through thick n thin.

Dearest Hannah, my palangga, I am yours and I am waiting to see you again soon through the will of God.

I miss you and I love you!

Your big bear,

Timothy

Purity Walk

They said, when we are in a relationship there's no way for the couple to not kiss, hold hands and even do premarital sex--- 

In a world where right becomes wrong and wrong becomes a compromises, they said it's normal. Yes, it's normal---only because it's okay to make love.

A purity walk for a couple who lives with the norms will be hard, but for someone who lives for the word, it is possible. I am in a relationship now and as Christian couple, we decided to not kiss nor hold hands and of course not commit fornication (sex before marriage). We both agreed to be an example to the "broken world" we are living. It may be a long way for us but we acknowledge our friendship and relationship with the Lord that makes our relationship important.  

We don't trust our own capacity to love each other but  God's amazing and unending love for us. We built our hope not in our hope but God's hope for our future and purpose. We take one day at a time and for others we may look stupid as we are running against the crowd--- but through the strength of the Lord, our purity walk will be a success.

For others, love should be partnered with physical intimacy. For us, it's our intimacy with Christ that keeps us from stumbling and disobeying His word---which makes us love each other and other people. My boyfriend said, I will never lay hands on you or kiss you not until marriage if God allows. A sacrifice he has to pursue to achieve greatness in the Kingdom of God. In order to pursue me, He needs to pursue God and His words.

 I have witnessed guys in the past who's ultimate intention was to let a woman fall then leave when they get what they want, which result to a woman's low self esteem, feeling of unworthiness, resentment, fear of love, fear of men and many other negative feeling that only Satan brings.  

Sex is made by God as special and it should be shared to someone who deserves you not just about you. It is made to experience oneness in the spirit and the soul. When it is shared to the wrong person, a soul tie that has already been made through sex will still be present which make it harder for the other or both party to separate from each other--- one or the other should be hurt. Anything that is tied when forcefully pulled will be broken into small pieces. Like humans, we are to be careful whom are we tying our soul with, this may cause us to struggle in our relationship with others or may result to a wonderful and successful relationship when centered in God's word.

So now that I am in a relationship, we choose purity and we decide to commit all those when we are ready and when God says we are. It's not that we are trying to make the church look "holy" but we are trying to make other christian understand that the secret to a successful christian relationship is self-control and sensitivity to the word of the Lord.

Our purity walk will be an example of faith and will build other young generations of Christian to pursue God more and not their future partners. Soak yourselves with the word and allow it to guide you in every step of the way. It will make you become a powerful Christian couple that serves the Lord our Saviour Jesus Christ. 

PCOS machine? or Tikas Machine?

Days have passed since we all casted our votes and I am fully aware of the results given to us by the Comelec, PPCRV and other all other organizations holding the highest post in the government when it comes to giving decisions of the election. I'm not going to lie by telling I'm very content with the results and I'm not going to praise the effectivity and efficiency of those PCOS machines that it was a good idea for the government to purchase such. I'm one of the chosen few who casted a vote but after hearing the results, my face turned sour and my eyebrows met in the middle of my nose bridge (I don't really have a nose bridge, but just think I have! hahah) and felt I wanted to scream "what the heck just happened?". Kidding aside, I felt so weak deep down below so I decided to digest everything and prayed.  I posted my congratulations to the winners but I knew in my heart it wasn't really what I felt I had to do. It was only because my pride was knocking at my door post and I had nothing else to do but entertain. 

My uncle lost by a very long margin and I couldn't help but ask, after a long exhausted time of campaigning, that was the only vote he got? I still could not believe and until now, I kept on convincing myself to believe at least percentage of the actual results, but call me "a person who can't accept defeat," call me whatever you want to call me but all those days I've been a hypocrite with what I truly felt, it didn't do me any good also. As much as I tried my best to respect the decision, I can't but doubt. And I'm glad I doubted! It was two nights ago when I knew that my friends father casted a vote at a certain precinct in our Barangay, she said her father voted for a councilor but when the votes was casted in their clustered precinct, the councilor got nothing. I again felt different, should I say shameful of my congratulations to those undeserving government officials, not public servant. I felt they weren't really the right person I congratulated and if others can't make I stand, I will! Even if it would cost me negative criticisms and violent reactions rather than stay quiet and allowed a single vote not be given justice. I am only but a few of those people who decided to come out after days of being quiet because I've witnessed enough lies in this government. We stayed in Ozamis City yesterday and I knew from a friend that the total number of votes exceeded from the total number of voters, the people went for a prayer rally but sadly justice didn't prevail but rather only controlled by the power hungry politicians. 

I am very disappointed after hearing it, I felt betrayed, I felt that my vote was only but a false representation of my right. As much as I would like to be listened, I knew that the sad reality of this government would be "who's in power is greatest in the Kingdom"----and sadly, I'm only an ordinary youth who want nothing but genuine development, total honesty in public service and change in the image of my beloved Philippines. I wanted to at least be the change, so I am writing this as protest to the Philippine Government Commission on Elections. I can't just be quiet for my future. They said, be honest even if others are not, even if others cannot and even if others will not--- So here I am--- I'm honest with everything that I've said! And now, the floor is widely open for criticisms and banters. I'm fully aware that I can't pleased everyone and I'm only living for my Lord and savior Jesus Christ. So even if you would slaughter me to death for sharing my thoughts, I am willing. I am more than willing! If it means standing in behalf of the silent majority who chose to be quiet because maybe they're scared to give their stand, or maybe they can eat three times a day, they can live life normally without the need to protest or maybe they are too prideful that they just accepted everything, or maybe, like me they knew that it will only be a "thought", an opinion perhaps or it will remain a normal reaction of a loser per se? But whatever it takes, I am swimming against the current because there's a need to. Well, for me--- I am only but ordinary but I will make myself extraordinary by standing to what is right and what I know is right in the eyes of the Lord.

I am protesting and I am claiming for justice for that one vote not casted. Call me whatever for protesting----- but I WANT JUSTICE! 

We reap what we sow

What's hidden won't harm you.  The result of the 2013 election gave me such a negative impression of the world today. A lot of us has hopes for the City and for the people but we can't decide for the vast majority. If indeed they chose the rightful leaders, why would they chose for those they know are gambling Lords and drug protectors? I am not saying that all are, I am just saying that it's a public knowledge that the leaders they thought are "rightful" aren't really the right leaders.  I wish everything will just be hidden, at least we can't be hurt by the reality.

After 45 days of helping in making people understand that voting for those who pays for their votes is a dead end for the City, I realized--- It's also a dead end for all my hopes for change. Of course, I will not stop from dreaming but my hope that the people will change and will strive to achieve genuine development---- it's dying! However, I give credit to the small number of the Philippine populace who believes that they are the change that they want to be. 

I can't be smiling as if everything went well. Acceptance of defeat is easy if we are assured that our Philippines will really be handled well. But, in my own personal opinion--- a city governed by gambling Lords will never achieved it's full potential of development. I just hope that this this is really that "real votes" of the people and not PCOS votes.  To quote from a friend, I have only educated myself and a few in my circle. I have convinced everyone except the SILENT MAJORITY. Oh well, what we sow is what we reap! 

Best Wishes Philippines!

Heaven is REAL

It was February 19, 2013 when my brother shared to me the greatest story I've ever heard in my life. Maybe you're wondering, why it took me this long to share it and just pour my heart out about what I thought of it.

I ain't the worthiest of person alive and I am surely no better Christian. It took me awhile to just find strength from above to share what my brother experienced. Again, all that I am writing here is for the glory of our Almighty God. 

It was around 9 in the morning when me and ten years old brother cuddled in bed, trying to trained him in controlling his bad habit of sucking his lips and holding someone's ears. I gave him an hour to control himself for it in exchange for a food. Indeed he made it to 1 hour since he wanted the food so much. After a few minutes of laughing and having fun, we talked about our late mother who died just a few days back---as I shared, I felt the missing piece in us and started crying.. on the other hand, he was trying to wipe my tears as it was slowly welling of my face and said, "Ate, don't cry mama's in heaven now". The moment I heard him said that, it gave me so much peace and asked him. How did you know mama's in heaven? And he said, I saw her with Jesus beside her. That was the time he started sharing about his personal encounter with Jesus in heaven :) 

He said, he's scared to share it because people might not believe him. As described, he said, he saw a Golden gate and Big house inside. As he gets in---there's a table outside the house and people were sitting there. They were so bright and some of them has wings. He also added that he saw my mom there but she's not talking to him but my mom was beside Jesus. My mom has wings and is also bright!!! He also said that there's this one person sitting on a 'GOLDEN' chair with 'GOLDEN' "barbwire" (thorns) as describe by my brother---around His head. He called my brother by his name and told him, I WILL SEND YOU BACK TO EARTH AND TELL YOUR FRIENDS AND RELATIVES AND DO YOUR MISSION.

It's not my mission to write his story but given the opportunity to personally hear his experience, I can't contain the happiness in me when God chose my brother to have an amazing vision of Heaven.  Wishing deep to have the same experience too but I don't know what God's plan for Him but anticipating for a greater purpose of my brothers life. 

As we went downstairs, he decided to share the story to my three siblings and later on shared it to my father as we were heading to my grandparents house. Of course, not all of them believe him and my father and other brother doubted him as he shared his story but I was amazed when he defended himself and said, Papa, God said that to those who believe, they will go to heaven, to those who don't they can't. It's okay if they don't believe me, it's their choice. 

I can't imagine how a ten years old is able to defend his heavenly experience. At first he was too scared on whether or not people will believe him but I told him not to be scared because he is only here to do his mission and not to make people believe it or not. 

Words Hurts

Being hurt is normal for people. And just because I am a Christian I can suppressed my emotions when I'm hurt--- People don't realize that the deadliest part of their body is their tongue...it can destroy someones identity, mood, and even way of life. Human as we are, we try not to make a big deal out of anything that comes out from the mouth of others but it's just so hard to control such emotions when someone close to your heart hit you so hard with simple words of humiliation. 

WORDS HURTS-- it can crash you at some point and makes you feel so bad about yourself. For others, it's easy for them to just throw words without even thinking of the consequences of it---- and when it's thrown, they don't even think of it as hurtful. Thus, asking for an apology is just an option. Of course, if you thought that you haven't said anything wrong, then why would you apologize? 

If I haven't met Christ personally, forgiveness would be so hard--- and the hurtful words can be so deadly that it affects your daily routine. However, now that I've understand that forgiveness doesn't need an apology, I realized that even though words hurts---- God's words supply all the promises and words of encouragement that you need to keep your focus and lead you back on track. 

I acknowledge my weakness just because I know I am weak without Jesus. I am frail, I easily get hurt, I am sometimes sensitive to other peoples comments---- but that's what we're made of, that's our composition as human.. 

For us to seek Christ instead of imprisoning ourselves to what we feel..

In my weakness, I found my strength in Jesus' stripes. If He was hurt, I can also be hurt--- but the important thing is, we don't allow our hurts to eat us. We have a choice---- it's a choice to forgive others even without their warm apologies. 

It's when we're hurt that we realize that we are weak.  

I love Jesus and I love the people who sometimes hurt me---- and no matter what they do, they can hurt me a million times--- but the love I have for them will still remain. 

Words hurts but LOVE overflows. ^_^

Unexpected Surprise

A GIFT--- That's how I describe my special someone. A gift I never expected this year from above. It is true that when you don't expect, it's when God gives.

This was the first time that I felt LOVE isn't just an emotion but an action word one should share--- Yes, I learned it through personal experience....
As God's faithful servant, I have always been excited with the journey that He has in stored for me and for my future partner in life---- Hence, I never really grasp God's way of meeting people. With us, it was ordained should I say--or perhaps a MIRACLE. 

A MIRACLE-- He is a miracle!! I've seen the realities of relationship nowadays and it always frustrates me---- It hurts me sometimes and most of all, it scares me. However, he proved me wrong of the realities that I am seeing. That there are still people like him in the world, prepared by God to also share the greatness of His Kingdom. 

We may be thousand miles apart and yes people might think of it as impossible, but when God bring two people together, mountains can be moved, rivers can overflow, sea can be divided---- I don't know what's in store for both of us but I will just let go and let God do it for us. It's His will not ours. 

To someone I know is God send---- Keep with you a word that's not from me but from above, that I am getting my faithfulness from God's faithfulness. I can't do it without HIM. Take with you my heart full of God's words that as I grow with Him, you will also do the same. Let us fulfill God's word everyday and let us bear much fruit. We may be apart, but the Jesus that we have will be the one to connect us together. 

I don't care how long.. as long as I have Jesus, then I'll have you. 

Face Life with Gladness---Celebrate Life with GLORY!

It's been three weeks since my mom's passing and the memories of her are still fresh and new. I can still hear her calling my name in a very slow, still voice---"hannah".  

I only spent exactly two weeks with her, before she went home to our creator. The two weeks I had, felt like I was with her the entire time of her battle. It was a tough one---- but her strength became our strength. It was hard seeing her in bed, not being able to walk and do something for herself--- but her faith and strong belief that a miracle can still happen, gave us so much hope in life. 

Just because we've seen the realities of death through my mother, we appreciated the value of Life every single day. A moment spent with her was like a miracle spent a lifetime. A simple nod in the head, a wink in the eye, a smile of satisfaction, a hug of forgiveness and even a long blank stare from her, gave us so much meaning to LIFE--- it provided us with energy that one day, she won't just stare at us but also do the same old routine--- But of course, we were only there to hope, to believe for a miracle, and to share with her the LOVE that God first shared through Jesus---- then my mother and father shared. 

It was an experience that I will forever cherish. That I was able to serve my mother in her death bed. I was able to tell her I love her, I made her feel that she's important--- and that she's worthy to be taken good care of. 

I know she's up there watching us--- to quote from my brothers dream-- she was smiling---her face was so bright and the place she's at was so wide. And that it's nice and she can see mom at the clouds---

My mom's death wasn't really a death---- but a celebration of Life--- and acknowledging God's glorious gift of salvation. 

I shall see you in Heaven again mom! 

13 Things for 2013

Would it be nice if I will also put into record all the things that I want to accomplish this year. And maybe, I will be able to do it---- We'll never know.

1. Fasting (Wednesday Evening for the entire year)

2. Meet New Friends (That's easy!)

3. Stop Unnecessary Shopping (discipline)

4. Appreciate Someone Everyday by telling them "I CARE" and "I love you"

5. Smile to every stranger

6. Complete my blog 365 Days 

7. Post to mama's wall I love you everyday!

8. Spend time for Exercise 

9. Great Harvest 

10. Be a Stronger Christian

11. Lead more people to Jesus

12. Fall IN LOVE

13. Grandchild for my mother? (maybe---)