Clumsiness to Inconvenience

My clumsiness sometimes results to inconvenience. With that said, I know I have to work on my clumsiness so I don't have to inconvenience others over it. However, there are also people who just seem to not have a room for "consideration". 

I have a gigantic room for chances and consideration for others that I almost expect others to do the same with me. Unfortunately, that's not always the case. 

With people who doesn't have any room for consideration, I have to forcefully impede my own expectation, my own desire to want to be considered. I have to suppress my feelings and I have to constantly understand and try to give that little chance in my heart. 

Only because I am not like them, I think I have the right to find myself justice for being treated like trash for a simple "mistake" when it can be considered immensely. I cry and cry and cry... all i can do is cry... because I don't have a way to explain myself, to express what I truly feel. I can't say, "hey, cut me some slack and be more considerate" because the other person has already gone mad and exploded because of my clumsiness.

Imagine yourself doing such, and others over reacting to it in a very demonic way---how do you think would you respond? Human as I am, because I don't see such a big deal to my actions but the other person made a huge deal about it.. I feel like I had to also respond in a demonic way! 

I am no perfect individual--- no matter how hard I try to always understand, to give people chances, to consider them.. but how do you do that to people who doesn't even give you a tiny bit of "consideration" when things aren't pretty. 

I labeled myself a rebel for all the years.
I've lived. I labeled myself a hero, because I am always the first one to seek justice.

Now, I labeled myself a clumsy one who is unworthy of any "consideration"...

I have labeled myself defenseless...because I don't have the right to express.

I have never cried as much in my entire life..

I have never burdened others with my weakness.. 

I have never felt so little in my life....
I have never felt so disgusted of myself...
I have never felt "empty"...

Now, I have burdened people because I've felt I couldn't win a war I'm not even equipped on fighting. 

I have felt so little and disgusted of myself because of that little amount of consideration and patience that I couldn't seem to get...

I have felt I am useless, unworthy and unimportant...

I've lost a battle that hasn't even started.......

I've remained because God remained. But, should I remain when all else fails and I'm the only one standing---- lost and defeated but still trying? 

When one seemed to be always trying to understand the other, but failed to understand oneself or worse failed to acknowledge oneself. 

It ain't too late to equip myself with armory of defense but I don't have enough Support to train me with much preparedness.

I don't have a battalion, I only have me.

My omniscient, omnipresent God has forgotten. me..

That's when I allow myself to be controlled with my emotions. I immediately feel alone but in reality, we are never alone. 

I might feel that I wasn't being considered when my clumsiness was magnified but I also forgot that maybe, others felt I was being inconsiderate for being clumsy. It's easy to accuse others when we are in our sentimental state because we want to always be right at that moment. However, it's also true that when we are caught with our emotions, it's better for us to calm down first and think of the matter rationally than emotionally.

Thankful for my mother in law and my father in law who never fail to remind me of bible verses and words of encouragement. Thankful for Gods laborers who are constantly working on our lives and in our lives. 

My clumsiness brought inconvenience to others but those little things helped me understand how important it is to value how others feel rather than how I feel--- After all, life is not just about how I feel.