Pound my head that I may feel the physical pain and not the emotional pain.
Why do I have to carry so much baggage in me and my life? Why can't I just let go of the jam packed of feelings that is slowly eating my entire existence? Why do I always have to feel so worried about life when I know that Life is meaningless? Why do I always have to struggle into something that is not yet happening? Why do I have to be so focus on the things that bothers me when I can think on the things that makes me happy? Why do I have to keep on saying that I am okay, when I I'm not? Why do I have to spend time on my future when I know that I am living with my present?Why am I am feeling so depress and lonesome when I can celebrate and just be thankful, now that I'm enrolled as a student in the United States? Why do I allow myself to be greatly affected with things that is not yet happening when I can PRAISE GOD for choosing me as one of the lucky few who has the rare chance to be here?
BECAUSE I AM SELFISH.
I felt that I am too selfish because instead of helping my family for my mothers chemo, here I am spending money for myself.
I felt that I am selfish because I am here building my own career path when my family back home have a hard time on how to survive and get through every financial struggle.
TEARS is what I wanted now. I wanted to just cry and pour everything out.
Lord, I am too tired to continue life...
My family needs me, but I just can't handle LIFE alone. Can I give up? Can you just take me with you and let my mother stay?
I don't want her to be sick. Can I just take her sickness instead?
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