Winter Thoughts

It was a dark cold winter night and my thoughts have been coming into my head and I just couldn't control the outpouring of emotions. I badly need someone now or else I will drench my face with tears again. I opened my facebook and I am glad that my father's online, so I decided to talk to him and share with him what have been bothering me.

Staying here in the United States to pursue someones education for purposes of career advancement and global competitiveness has always been the dream of each and every individual. I am blessed that I am one of the chosen few who has the opportunity to really follow what I've been dreaming for or should I say what God has in store for me in this simple yet challenging life.

It was never easy to be away from home and sometimes, I felt that I am too focus with my goal that I tend to forget that Life isn't about achievement and intelligence but it's about faith and radical obedience to God. I am here for a purpose and I am not going to waste my time and energy spending my life with non sense and useless things. I will definitely learn from the four walls of the classroom but I shall learn more outside and shall encourage more souls to call on God despite the difficulty of this Life.

I told my father that I am so much in love with Life yet so afraid of investing my emotions to others especially to opposite sex. I told him that I am so scared that I may not be able to feel worthy and that I may end up being hurt with someone. And what I've heard from my father just surprised me and made my entire blood system to flow, that made my heart beat faster and faster. "You will only be straight if the guy deserved you". Coming from someone that I value a lot and made me the person I am now just made me cogitate that I have been blocking myself to explore the other side of myself. I am so much worried of being hurt in the process where in fact Life is all about that. We have to be hurt to learn, we have to fail to achieve success. And we have to sacrifice for us to climb to top.

I don't know what's the connection of being here in the United States studying and what I've been thinking about myself but for sure, my life here just made me open up to what is Reality and How I should handle life without thinking of stuff that will destroy me in the latter. I am just so happy that despite the challenges and sacrifices, I am slowly drifting into the idea that I am creating my own Life and God being my Light to direct my path all the way. I may fail a few times, I may slip over but I shall get up and follow the right way again.

I am straight. :)