WELCOME DOS MIL DOSE

DOS MIL DOSE!

It's another year to experience the greatness of my savior.

My year 2011 ended with a blast-- I spent the New Year's Eve celebration with the Tebalan's and Lagman's. Although I didn't get to spend my DOS MIL DOSE welcome with my family back home, I am still embracing the new year to come with optimism in my heart and still looking forward for a 365 days of God's LOVE.

I'll start school "again" on January and it's gonna be a different one since I'll be schooling here in the United States and f0r sure, I will learn in a different way. I'm still a little bit nervous and challenge for the next journey of my life and up to this moment I am not yet sure if I'm prepared for the new "story book" of my life but I'm willing to just close my eyes and look up to whatever story God will allow me to experience this year.

My dos mil onse was the best year of my life so far. It's just this year that I get to appreciate the beauty of life despite the difficulties and unexpected circumstances, the wonders of God's creation despite the calamities and the positive attitude despite the sudden drop of expectations. It's this year that I built my relationship with the Lord, It's this year that I experienced LIFE itself and it's this year that I felt overflowing joy and contentment.

I wanna end my year with a prayer of thanksgiving to the Lord for giving me another opportunity to serve Him and another year to appreciate life with Him. Lord, take me-- take all of me, I am ready for Dos Mil Dos~ just use me for your glory.

Broken Trust

Trusting someone is like going into a tunnel, it's dark, it's creepy.

And the darker the tunnel, the more dangerous it gets. It may look nice when you're not inside but when you're inside it, negative thoughts will always blur your vision. And like the tunnel, judgment sometimes look good on the outside because you'll feel people are listening to you and you are earning attention from others but it don't feel good on the inside when people knew about YOU.

I don't like it when people judge me in an unreasonable way.

You have been looking up and have put so much trust with a person then all of a sudden all you expected of that someone changed in just a tick of the clock. I may have grown step by step when it comes to my faith with God but human as I am, I could still be hurt with people being so judgmental with who I am.

I hope it's true but it's not. I hope it's right but it's wrong. I hope it's a "healthy criticism" but it's more of a gossip.

Despite the "christian" life that this person has, it pains me still that this person talks so much to others about others to the point of giving out information even if it's not true and if I didn't have any one on one experience with the Lord, I could have failed and this person could be the reason why I would not want to continue what I have started...but just because I am eager to press in and push more with the faith that I have, the pain that I am feeling towards this person was converted to love and understanding. It even gave me more reason to continue my stride with God.

I hope a believer like me will have the same motivation that I have. I hope they wont make God accountable of what so called, "christian" imperfections.

CONTINUE TO LOVE OTHERS.

CONTINUE YOUR WALK WITH CHRIST.

It's okay to be hurt with the Lord. Remember, we have to carry our cross and follow Him.

That verse alone should gave us enough reason to be motivated despite the pain that we are experiencing.

WHOEVER YOU ARE, I STILL LOVE YOU.

37th SSEAYP @ TIMES SQUARE

Indeed, SSEAYP is INTERNATIONAL! :)

Who would have thought we would be able to see each other again? A reunion not in the Philippines but here in the United States and what's even more surprising, it's in TIME SQUARE' New York City New York. wooooh!!!

I just wanna give God the credit and I know we were destined to meet we just didn't know it's here! ^___^ I couldn't thank Him enough for the experience I never thought I could be able to experience.

When God says, ALL

Everything! This is what what God wants me to submit.

Day by day God always reminds me that my life here on earth is temporary. Before the year 2011 comes to an end, I am so blessed that I am able to understand the true value of living in this world. It is through serving God in the best way that I could.

My walk has never been easy, it was never abrupt, it was never expected, it's just right on time. God knows when to snatch us from the world and this is the best gift that I've ever received in my life. I've been borrowing the air and breathing for 25 years now and I've never experience such joy for the longest, just now!! And I wanted to thank God for the grandeur welcome ever made in my entire existence.

Looking back, ohhhh---I couldn't even think straight and deep on what to look back---- Maybe it's part of God's plan to get my focus in front and I don't wanna wrestle with God because I'm sure He's always right when He does and plans things.

This past few months, God speaks to me to surrender everything and I couldn't figure out what He meant by everything. I've given up my life to Him up to the point of living my life just the way He wanted me to live it but I realized that it doesn't just end there. A decision to obey and actual obedience is different and even if I've decided to live life the way God wanted me to live it, my flesh wants another. It yearns for enjoyment, pleasure and happiness in this world and I don't want it. I am so much eager to obey that I wanted to just close my eyes to the reality of this world, but no matter what I do I am still in the world even if I am not of the world.

I don't fear nothing now in my future because I know God will always be there for me and will always be there to provide light on my feet. But I am afraid of myself that I may not be able to contain the fiery trials of life. I am not perfect but I'm trying living a life like Christ and live like I am perfect but keeping aware of my imperfections.

I am in struggle of my flesh and spirit everyday. Each day, I am learning the value of self control up to the high level of extremity and it's not that easy, it needs focus and drive thus it's breathtaking and challenging. Everyday I always have to remind myself that I don't own the life I am living and that I should be sensitive enough in handling situations and just be right in the steps I am walking. In times, there's a sudden break out of emotions and I couldn't deny it. I am living in my flesh but I am vehement of the life God gave me.

ALL THAT HE WANTS FROM ME.

Lord, I meant all. Everything that I want, take it from me.

JUST TAKE IT FROM ME.

If I will fail you in the future, might as well take me with you before it will happen because I don't want it to happen.

I don't want to disappoint you.

I don't want to fail you.

I'd rather die than commit a sin and fail from the life you've given.

TRAGEDY=UNITY

A different morning. A different Christmas.

After seeing pictures of dead people especially kids just broke my heart into pieces.
I've never seen such tragic incident could be as worst as this in my hometown and I never thought of it to happen, not even in my dreams. When nature speaks, every nano second counts just to save yourself from it. Every moment is significant, every action matters.

A moment of grief for almost everyone in my City and I can feel the emotions slowly dropping as Christmas is coming in just a matter of days. Maybe for other areas in the country they wont feel any difference as they celebrate this joyous celebration but for those people who loss their loved ones, loss their houses, no one with them for Christmas, it's a different celebration.

For me who's from Iligan felt pain even in the midst of distance how much more to those people who's really experiencing it and even had the glimpse of the real situation. I don't wanna blame the government for having such traumatic event because it's not for them to make efforts in stopping the flood from coming it's their responsibility to at least protect and make ways of informing the people but what is 24 hours of preparation? Thus, what is meant to be is meant to be. God never sends us storms, Satan does but God allow it to happen for reasons we don't know and hard for us to understand in our own human wisdom and knowledge.

I for instance felt the same when I heard the news about my mom's cancer. At first it was hard and I couldn't understand why God allow it to happen when He knows I've been a very faithful servant to Him. Later I realized that I have to feel pain to test my faith and to know up to what extent of my faith can God count on me. God allow me to be hurt if I will give up on Him or I will endure the suffering and carry my cross with Him.

I know it's hard, it's painful, sometimes it's dragging and torturing but this is how God tests us. I remember that those who endure till the end are the ones who are entitled to be rewarded in heaven so I would rather experience the rocky road to heaven than the swift road to hell.

The tragedy that hits Iligan now might be as hard as bringing up a child from birth to maturity but like a parent's feeling of satisfaction seeing a child grow, it would be the same with Iligan soon. It will soon rise up from and will recover through God as the parent who will help Him in his growth and maturity and of course through the people who despite the difficulties and trials choose to help and shared their blessings to the affected families.

Indeed, no one is too rich that he cannot care and no one is too poor that he cannot share.

Tragedy that leads to Unity- Typhoon Washi (Sendong)

Just Keep on Walking

Just continue the stride, keep on walking, focus and you'll arrive safely in your destination.

I have always been so serious on my Christian walk and have always been wondering on what's on the other side of the road. Am I there yet? Am I near? What's in store for me there the moment I arrive? Should I need to be there? While happily striding towards my destination, I never thought of my walk as a significant factor in my growth rather I have always been anticipating to arrived on my destination no matter what it takes. But as the walking continue I allowed myself to stop for awhile and be distracted or probably amaze with what my eyes can see. Sometimes I bumped into random strangers and then they later on became my friend and tried to be with me along the journey.

Some were there to join me, some were there to make me stop my walk and told me to just enjoy with them and i should be with them in their journey and some were good enough that they wanted me to go and even told me to take one baby step at a time and focus on the walking. I didn't really know what it meant and never did it cross my mind that the journey wasn't about just the journey it's about ME and my determination to finish the walk.

Some strangers would say, You're almost there.

Some would say, you're moving so slow.

Some would even say, you're moving too fast.

Some would say, you're in the wrong track.

Some would say, just stop you're tired.

And the more they shout, the more confuse I got and the more anxious I became. It's not their fault. It's my fault.

This is my walk, not their walk so it's still up to me to listen and get myself into trouble or just follow what my heart truly desires and continue the stride despite the confusion, doubt, tiredness, agony and sometimes distress. Well I should be expecting that to happen because along the journey there will always be people, circumstance, trials and unexpected happening that I can come across but I should not drown myself to all those negative forces that could be one of the reason why I might stop in my walk, lost, move too fast or too slow-----

I can stop for awhile but not forever.

I can walk slow but not too slow.

I can walk fast but not too fast.

What is important is that every stride should be savor, every stride should be enjoyed and every stride should be given importance. I am not here to join a race but rather create the race on my own. I can invite others to join me but not to compete with me. Now, I may have stopped to rest, I may have moved slow or fast but the point is I am continuing walking. I can feel the pain but I will endure till the end. I may stumble and fall but I just have to get back up, dust myself up and move forward. It's not the journey, it's the endurance.

Keep on walking. Just keep on walking.

Let go and You'll Understand

When your in a situation wherein you don't know what's going on or yet you know what's going on but you just close your eyes to reality because you don't want to pain yourself from accepting the that people are made for a purpose, to leave or to stay, to make you smile or to make you cry, or to make you worthy or to make you unworthy----

Sometimes things happen because we overly respond not to the person but to the situation itself, we think too much, plan too much, expect too much and love too much to the point of consuming everything that we have and realized, "woah, can you just stop for a moment, give me just a small piece of that too much I have given you.."----- but even though we wanted to say it, it's just so hard to swallow the words and say it because we value that person in that situation too much to the point of just accepting yourself being less for that someone to realized he/she is more.

Coming to a point of deep thinking after a not so good situation enables every piece of my body to just feel how nice it was to be considered as part of the circumstance in someone's life but if we allow ourself to be eaten up by emotions and just do whatever for the sake of feeling important even though you are not supposed to feel it is just so inappropriate. It's a lesson learned that we don't have to be too emotional in handling it. That we should think twice if not thrice if we are doing the right things or we are just doing things because we wanted things to be right even if it's "obviously wrong".

I just wanna blame myself sometimes for allowing things to happen, but I can't just say that because after all what has done has done and what has happened has happened. There's this saying, It takes two to tango and I truly believed in that statement------and for it to tango, i need the consideration of the other person or perhaps his confirmation to do the actual circumstance in our life. And even if it's a story of unforgettable memories, sometimes letting go of the person is the best way to do to let go of the situation. It will take time and effort but it should be the best or if not at least near the best solution to just stop the burst of emotion rather than hurt yourself in the end of the line.

That person has really been a big part in your life and has changed you as a person and considering that you are letting go of the situation as well as the person, you are slowly understanding that the big part has to be small for you to be BIG... loving yourself a lil bit more and pushing yourself to do what is right even if it pains you is the perfect way of saying,

"Lord, I just want to stop doing this, I love you more than anything else and even it would cause me to lose one person just to have that love for myself, I'll obey"----

The fear of not being able to be loved back because of my past garbage just made me do things that aren't suppose to happen. All this time, I thought I've grown so much with the Lord but I realized I haven't and I need more effort to press in with everything even to the point of just experiencing pain to achieve undescribable happiness. It's like God talking to me in a very still voice, Hannah....just...

Let go and you'll understand.

Internet Attraction

In a world of uncertainty it's hard to be certain.

I always consider myself as part of the 21st century babies who's so much inclined to the real world through internet attractions.

I am just someone who can live without internet but just so attach with it and what it brings in my life. I can easily communicate my family back home, I can talk to my JASEAN friends. I can share my thoughts to just anyone, I can shop through it, I can make a video and play music videos. These are some of the few things why I am attracted to internet but there's more to it than just that.

I don't want to be overly dramatic and I don't want to exaggerate my storm of emotions but internet changed me and my life. When you say internet, I've tried everything. Good or bad, you say it, I've done it but maybe not as bad as others but I've tried at least one of the most stupid thing a person can do in the internet.

Can I just control myself from the fact of life that anything could happen and that Life is unknown. We don't know how and who we meet, we don't know why we meet them but trust me, they could create an impact in your life.

Temporary Insanity

You'll know when it's temporary.

Some things are just made to happen for a reason, we may not know what it is but it's just between you realizing that things aren't suppose to be like that, or it's fine next story please.

To be in a certain level of maturity takes time but to be in a certain level of insanity, consumes time or yet it kills time itself. I don't want the feeling but it's just keeps on bugging you up~ I like the temporariness but how long will it be temporary?

There are things that you want to do but you shouldn't be doing.

There are things that you didn't want to do but you are doing.

There are things that you didn't expect to do but it happened.

There are things that should not be happening, but you just couldn't stop yourself from the "comfort" it brings or maybe, it's just a way of showing undesirably the innate pleasure of human being.

Bad as it could be, or good as it may come but still it's an option. You choose, you decide.

The temporariness of my insanity don't usually last long, but it could change someone's perception towards me, it could even kill a persons sanity but things happen because you need to experience it. Not because you want it, but because you don't know the intensity of you're insanity and how can you control such process of going out of your real self for awhile.

It's just a matter of regret or positive response.

I love my temporary insanity, because it made me realize the value of sanity. :)

PERFECTION, PERFECT=UNDEFINED

Is there such thing as perfect in this world? perfect family? perfect life? perfect career? perfect love life? perfect world?

Living in this world for 25 years has always been a question of perfection--- Is there such a word?

If I define perfection in my own words, my words couldn't reach the extremity of it's meaning and my words isn't enough to comprehend the scope and the word itself.

When it comes to my Life, it ain't perfect not even close to it and I wouldn't want a perfect life too.

I'm already blessed with everything since God has already provided me with so much of PERFECTION it's just a matter of "appreciation and contentment".

I may not be a head turner but at least I can look at my face in the mirror with 2 eyes, 1 nose, 2 eyebrows, 1 mouth.

I may not be rich, but I can eat 3 times a day, sometimes 6 times a day..

I may not have someone special but I have my family and friends, enough to live life the perfect way.

I may not have a child, at least I am free yet of the baggage of responsibility.

I may not have a sexy body, at least I am not sick.

I may not have "branded" stuffs but I am blessed with "stuffs".

Look at the world around us, so different, so wide, so unpredictable.

I know I am perfect, as long as I am content with what I have and as long as I don't compare myself to others...

my perfection is undefined.

At Peace with God

My sister sent me a message in facebook, "mom's cancer is now in stage 2 not stage 4"-----

It was a sudden explosion from my heart pounding real hard telling me how God can do such marvelous and miraculous things in a blink of an eye.

I just couldn't praise and glorify Him enough.

It's not for me to prove God but for God to prove Himself. The result has really been an eye opener for my family that God is God and that in whatever, He is the only way.

I am just so glad how a circumstance could change everything. I haven't seen my family closer and even more closer now. My sister said, "i wish you are here with us on Christmas, the aura is just so different now"----- wow, hearing those words just made me wanna go home so bad but that's how life is, it's not about just emotions and decisions it's about God's will and obedience.

I just couldn't believe how my faith grows now and the more I press on to the faith the I have now, the more the revelations and the easier the stride. When before I have been so worried on what's gonna happen on my future, now I'm confident that wherever God may take me, it's His will and it has always been the best and the greatest.

I am holding on to God's promise in my life and whatever the circumstance may be, I am ready.

Life is nothing but a Breath

If I'm home, can I change the circumstance?

If I'm home, can I help?

If I'm home, can I heal my mother?

If I'm home, can I bring my family closer to the Lord?

Questions clouding my mind and has been constantly trying to cover my beautiful sunshine with darkness. I am in pain and I wanna shout in prayers of desperation just to let God know how eager I am to have my prayers answered. But who am I to question Him? Who am I to control the circumstance? I am just a faithful servant who have been suffering with Christ submitting my everything to attain God's purpose in my life and my family's life.

You will never know the feeling of being pressed unless you're there.

You will never know what it is to be in the midst of floating in the wind of Life unless you experience Life itself.

You will never know the pain, unless you felt it.

You will never know the value of life unless you are battling between life and death.

You will never know God is there, unless you feel the need of calling Him.

You will never know the importance of family unless one of you is lending a hand trying to reach out for help.

You will never know if you don't seek to find it out yourself---

If you are not strong enough to fight and face every situation with courage.

And if you allow doubt, unbelief and fear caught you.

I'm 7000 miles away from home. 12000 kilometers away from my family. And it just pains me knowing that in times like this, the only help I could offer is my fervent prayer to the Lord. I am not religious, I have a relationship with the Lord and the circumstance I have now made me even more closer to Him. I prayed earnestly to the point of asking Him to just exchange side with my mother. I am single, I don't have a family, I am ready to whatever things that He wanted me to do. But no matter what, it's still His will. I don't have anything in me. JUST FAITH.

If you were in my shoes now, smiling is just an option. But God gave me the strength to move on--- to look forward--- to hold on.

Faith is a substance of things not seen and evidence of things hoped for. I don't know what lies ahead but I'm holding on to God's promise. I don't know what's gonna happen but one thing I know, All things work together for good.

To everybody who has a circumstance like mine---KEEP ON PRAYING, DON'T LOSE HOPE AND DON'T LOSE FAITH.

To everybody who's enjoying their life and money---THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN MONEY AND LIFE ALONE.

To everybody who's lenient with their faith---PUSH MORE, YOU'LL REALIZE YOU'RE ENOUGH IS NOT ENOUGH WHEN YOU NEED GOD DESPERATELY!

Do not wait for adversity to come to you. BE PREPARED.

Life is a constant struggle.

Earth is temporary.

Life is nothing but a breath.

Desperate=Closer to God

When Desperation is the only way to bring us closer to God, He will do it.

I got a news about my mother--She has cancer and it's malignant. Having known this, I didn't question God nor blame others for having such adversity in our family but I thank Him for the circumstance instead. It's not easy but I know when we keep on pressing in with prayer, we'll attain victory with Christ.

Out of desperation, people will really call on God. At this point, I knew I've needed even more of Jesus and all the more for me to build my faith and depend on to Him. He is our Ultimate Healer, Protector, Light, Strength and my Way---I am holding on to God's promises and God's will to my mother and even if I may not know the outcome but I know the harvest is good and He is allowing this to happen to the family for a reason.

I never heard my sister calling out to God for prayer like this. I didn't know my brothers could be as emotional as I thought. People view problem in a different perspective, I am viewing mine in a way God wants me to view it. WITH FAITH.

When desperation is the only way, God is the answer and the only stronghold of every single tear drop--- I know my siblings are really in need of prayers especially my mother and father but I couldn't control God's purpose in their life. I am just praying and keeping my faith that through this circumstance they will open their heart to the truth that medicine and doctor's professional hands isn't enough but the blood of Jesus and complete submission to the Lord will result to healing.

If only they will read the bible...

If only they know how this book could change their life..

If only they know that the answer to all their questions is in this book..

It would have been easier. Life would have been easier. And the journey could have been much more lighter and fun.

If other view problem as a dead end.

I view it as a beginning of a new LIFE with the Lord.

TOOTHACHE=HOME

Who would have thought a simple toothache could make me think of going home. Yes, it's just a toothache but it makes all the difference. See how a certain circumstance could change a person's perspective in just a snap. That's how life is, one false move and you're down in the ditch.

Life here the United States is pretty okay but it's still way to different to the life that I have in the Philippines. While I was at the dentist office, I met a few people who hospitably talked to me about life and of course Philippines. I met Maureen and we had a few minutes talking about my home country. The sad thing, she didn't know how hard it is to survive with a minimum wage of 4 dollars a day and she was so surprised having known such reality. I can't blame her, she was raised in a land full of opportunity although it's just up to you how are you going to look for such and enjoy it or pull yourself down and be content of being dissatisfied.

I am not complaining but it's just so sad that I had to experience all this here in the United States for me to realize how wonderful it is to be in my home country. I love Philippines even before but I am so much in love with my country even more. We may have the worst case of corruption but we are so rich with people, resources, education and I just couldn't ask for more.

I used to squabble on the price I had to pay to my dentist before--- It's Php 3,500 ($180) for crown moldings and now I'm here I am hoping I could just go back and pay and be content on the price range. I used to squabble with the Php 500 ($12) dental filling per tooth but here, it's $150! What a big difference. If you were to compute, it's way too much but I don't have a choice- I could not just change what they're used to.

I'm glad I'm a filipino although there are also some things to consider about my country, I'm still proud I am one! Our food might be expensive but it's enough for survival. I can say that I'm blessed enough to experience the "American Life" but I couldn't exchange it to the comfort I had in the Philippines.

TOOTHACHE, thanks for making me realize how wonderful it is to be a Filipino.

A TEST OF FAITH

When Faith is tested, that's the only time you grow with the Lord.

I'm glad my faith is being tested. ^___^

I woke up in the morning from a text message from my sister:

"There's a big possibility that my mother has cancer"

Good thing I'm with the Lord or else I would not know what to do. I am calm that time and I immediately talked to God and believed in His will.

A person would definitely wonder why I ain't that affected to the result. I couldn't grasp the enormity of feeling but I know God already prepared me for this. Even before the news about mom being sick, I already know it's coming. Although I did not know what is it but I knew God has His plans for my mother.

Yesterday during the church worship, I cried my heart out when God revealed to me to surrender all my worries about my family. That I should trust Him in His works and that I should lean on to God in everything. That time, I still did not know what happened to my mother but God is so good that He prepared my soul to whatever circumstance that may come my way.

Even though my mom is sick, I am holding on to God's promise. And will never ever let go of my faith.

"BELIEVE IN THE LORD JESUS, AND YOU WILL BE SAVED AND YOUR HOUSEHOLD"

MIND VS. HEART

When thinking is the only thing to do----this is what usually happens. :)

I'm having a headache but that doesn't hinders me from pouring out my thoughts and feelings. If I'll miss this moment, I wont be able to pull back again some of the relevant emotions that is crossing my mind right now.

Just got back from an enjoying long weekend family trip and I'm in so much awe with the creation of our Lord. I'm so blessed I had the rare chance to visit Saugatuck and South Haven Michigan and be able to witness and experience the wonderful obra of my King.

It seems like I wanna explode and I want to cry my heart out for reason I don't know and understand. I felt so "consumed--but empty". I have been loving my life and ever since I met the Lord, I have always been so content with whatever blessings He has bestowed but I can't explain the extremity of my feelings now since God isn't actually the reason of having it.

It's actually a battle of mind and emotions and I know I have been attack by the attacker but I'm not giving up the battle without fighting. It's just that, it's hard to win it without my protector with me and I'm clinging on to Him in this war hopeful that I'll be victorious to every battle.

---I don't know, I really wanna write but my heart just doesn't seem to cooperate with what my mind wanted to share.

I'm fine, but I'm not completely fine----

1. I miss my family back home.

2. I miss my life back home.

3. I miss my comfort zone.

4. I miss everything in the Philippines.

America isn't everything----It's not a land of milk and honey.

I'm glad I'm here but this is the only way I could help my family.

The only way I could offer to them for us to survive poverty.

The only way I can give them is MYSELF and my sacrifice.

And having done this, I miss myself.

I'm content that I have a big God with me-----and I don't want Him to leave and I'm sure He's not gonna leave..

But I'll leave myself----- :)

I'm tired of myself, that's ALL.

I am so much in love with the Lord and His Kingdom most especially the people around me including my enemy----but I just couldn't love myself more than them.

That's the reason, I need someone who could Love me more than I love my God and others to compensate what I cannot do and to complete the missing piece of ME.

I know he's out there and patience is what I'm building---

I'LL WAIT FOR YOU. <3

PRIZE=PRICELESS

I'm expensive but I'm priceless. And I'm worth a PRIZE.

My mind has been wandering a lot on my future circumstance and I courageously admit, I was once anxious on the life that's in store for me especially my next relationship considering that I'm already in a different level of my faith now.

I have been thinking on when, how and who's gonna be the WINNER and the consumer of my life and I have been constantly asking if that person is worthy of it. It doesn't mean that he needs to join a competition because competition isn't the only way to win me. It doesn't mean he needs to pay a big amount to have me, because I'm sure----He couldn't afford me.

The book entitled "Before you meet Prince Charming: A guide to radiant purity" completely changed my perspective towards marriage and relationship. It was the only moment that I realized I am as precious as ruby and that there's a Knight in Shining armor who's willing enough to fight and prepare his battle just to win the heart of the King that have been protecting me for years. This prince has been practicing a lot and have been saving all his years not to impress the princess and the King but to prepare himself on the future circumstance and that he may be able to present himself with honor and readiness in his heart. His preparation isn't just for the Princess alone but for the entire Kingdom. That they may know how willing he is to offer his life just to earn the love of the Princess.

I am a Princess, royal in the making and special by birth. My King said that I am worth the fight and that it takes a courageous Knight to win me. That it might take a while for me to wait but it's still worth a wait. That I should be patient and that I should not settle for less because He has prepared for the best.

Before, I am so worried on my future relationship. Now, I am busy with my King's given task and responsibility. I am so much in love with my King that I am willing to submit to Him my life and the life that He prepared for me. I trust Him so much now... and I am no longer thinking of all those negative things. It might be hard and I might need a little sacrifice but I'm sure that I will meet the right PRINCE, right WINNER and correct CONSUMER. :)

For now and for the next days to come, I will drown myself with my King's Love and Compassion that I may be able to fully understand the value of Love and the importance of Relationship. When I'm fully grown and ready, He should be the one to know first and it's for Him to decide whether or not I'm ripe enough to be harvest. If I'm matured enough in His Kingdom to be allowed of Freedom and unbreakable oneness with my Knight----He'll know. He'll decide. In His perfect time.

3 years from now.

5 years from now.

6 years from now.

10 years from now.

I don't know and I don't care how long. It's worth the wait and it's worth my time.

It's worth my sacrifice and it's worth my longing----At the end of the day, it's not just my Knight in Shining Armor that matters but my King's kingdom and His glory.

Trying is part of growing

How would you know if you haven't even tried---?

Trying is part of growing-----we'll never know the outcome if we don't even dare to try. Life is a journey and while enjoying the day with everything, thoughts comes so randomly. Living a day with gladness has always been my motto in life and every time I open my eyes, I always thank the Lord for giving me another wonderful day to "TRY" once again.

What I've done from yesterday may not be the same as today and for the days to come, but I could do it again but with different "perspective and motivation".

I have a lot of things to try in life. Things that I consider possible and attainable but it's just time and circumstance that stops me from doing it now. I have options, plenty of them and it's up to me to choose one at a time. Let me enumerate some for the mean time since it's hard for me to enumerate everything at this moment since I just wrote this randomly.

1. I wanna do sky diving but I'm afraid I'm not doing it anymore after I saw the people jumping from the 100th floor of the World Trade Center during the 9/11 attack, it just squeeze my heart to pain. They're doing sky diving still, but they're doing it "trying to save" their lives but they weren't able to save it. Me, I hope to try sky diving for fun---it's attainable but it's not fun now.

2. I wanna try wearing bikinis on winter----it's weird but it's possible. I wanna know how it feels.

3. I wanna try camping, ALONE. :) It looks fun and I think I could survive if I have someone? hahaha~ lol----- no, seriously, I really wanna try camping ALONE. it's cool and I wanna know how it feels to be alone out in the woods with exotic animals around.

4. I wanna try sleeping in the cemetery. Is it really scary there? or it's just the thought having dead bodies underneath that makes it a little scary.

5. I wanna try saving someone in the battlefield, how does it feel? :) I could, but I won't.. but I want---- hahahaha! ^____^ sometimes, random things makes me think weird things...

In a serious way,

1. I want to try riding in a camel, elephant, giraffe, hippo----

2. I want to try building an orphanage or school for special children.

3. I want to try hosting in a famous television show.

Oh, now... I don't know what to try but as soon as it comes into my mind, I'll edit this and put it into writing~ :)

Being random is good, but sometimes----it's weird.

Fast Forward

Everyday has always been a surprise for me.

People changed, weather changed---food changed. But I am wondering if I am changing. ^___^

My weight maybe is changing, my pimple size is changing too but my life has been the same all this time.

To wake up in the morning is a miracle and every time I open my eyes to the reality of the world, it has always been a fast pace. FAST FORWARD. And just as I close my eyes, it's a different story, different person comes into your life, different situation yet uncertain.

They said, that's the beauty of life, the uncertainty of things makes it even more challenging. I'm a bit challenge to my purpose and destiny but sometimes I wish I could see things from beyond reality. I am actually happy with my life but people affects you're line of thinking sometimes. Environment adds the complications. But the more I think of these factors, the more I indulged myself with the unbalance life that we have.

Unbalance because everybody's FAST FORWARD. We never get to enjoy the slowness of the revolt of earth if we are always in a hurry of everything. People complain, ask and sometimes blame others or even the situation for having their situation but it's actually a choice to be stagnant in their life.

I consider myself average in my walk with life and the more I get to enjoy my journey, the more I wander my mind with unbelievable but achievable situation, the more I find myself slow in my journey. The world is huge and it's not fair to just walk the journey alone. I know I have God with me the whole time that's why I have been enjoying it a lot but how about others, what makes their path swift yet happy? Or are they really happy? or they are just concern of reality.

I am proud I am deviant. That what's makes my life even worth it. You get to realize things from others and compare it with yours. After all, Learning is part of the journey. If you're not hurt, you wont learn great. If you wont ask, you wont be answered.

Trust

It made me cogitate having been talked to a person online, TRUST is important. I am a person who have a hard time in earning trust and with this kind of connection even made me more complicated.

Out of the billions of people in the world you'll cross into someone's journey carrying only with you the word trust. It's hard to create a relationship when you don't know who the person you are talking to but it's also a challenge that I have to consider, if it's really true and real circumstance will finds it's way to make our worlds meet.

I don't believe in online relationship especially that I am so specific when it comes to character of a person that I am connected with. In today's complicated world, find one person who you could earn your trust pretty well excluding your family and close friends. That for me is a very hard task and I am completely blank of the certainty of every situation that's gonna happen between me and the other person. Trust is a significant value that a person should have before dipping himself to the depth of uncertainty.

Trusting one is like gambling, you don't know if you'll win but you risk just to win the game.

I hope I could think of trust like business. You'll invest your time, money and effort to it knowing that you already have the idea that you'll earn a profit and the business will succeed. But no matter what, I can't convince myself to believe in every detail of the situation that I have now.

There's only one person that I trust, It's God and all others I am in complete doubt over them.

But they said, if you wont try you wont know the outcome. So I'm giving myself a chance to explore the unexplored and see for myself if it's the right decision or not. After all, it all depends on me and my choice. If I fail, then there's no one to be blame but me.

But one thing for sure, TRUST once broken will never be repaired unless you made God the center of your relationship after the failure. Life is an obstacle, so as trust---- and if this is the story of my life, so be it. :)

Life is an Amazing Journey

You're not an accident.

God created me for a purpose and He puts me in this unknown and complicated world for a vast of reasons to discover.

My Fall 2011 started productively should I say. I didn't just enjoy the "cold weather" again but I realized a lot of things today.

It's now 16 minutes past the hour of 1 in the morning and I just couldn't allow myself to sleep not to explode my thoughts on my realizations and God's astonishing way of making me learn things in a subtle and orderly way.

It has been awhile now that I have been talking to God about my future---not just my career and what He wanted me to become in my life but including my "next relationship". I have been so anxious of having a relationship with somebody who's worthy of me and my love. Maybe this was a domino effect to what had happen to me in the past that I had to be very precise of my standards toward a guy.

1. He needs to be more In love with the Lord than me--(BOLDER than the faith I have)

2. He should be Faithful

3. He should be Affectionate

4. He should be Romantic

5. He should Communicate

I couldn't blame myself for having such kind of bench marking because my amazing journey of life taught me all this things which are not things but 'character' that I value a lot.

We were travelling then from shopping with my Auntie's and cousin---and both of my aunties we're very busy talking about their love life and stuffs' and even though I never really had any intention to listen to their conversation, I felt like God was talking to me through it. After hearing all those "married life dramas" in life, I felt God's love and it's so profound that the only that I could do was "SMILE.

This was the LOVE that God have been constantly reminding me about. He loves me so much that He wanted me to discover things on my own and provide me the questions that I have been asking Him about for so long. Now I know the reasons behind every question and I am so blessed that God gave me the answers.

My auntie's right, she'd rather be single than suffer the consequence of being knot together with a person not even worthy of the sacrifice she's doing. It was a relief hearing those words from the pro with relationships. They have been UP's and DOWNS of life and I just couldn't believe that through them, I am learning and my heart is healing----it's not just an ordinary healing, it's extraordinary because I am putting "scar remover" to it. The BLOOD OF JESUS CHRIST.

Now, I am fully convinced by the Lord that I should not have a relationship yet not unless I'm a fully grown person with the Lord. I am so glad that I am not carrying with me a baggage of disappointments but answers and praises to God. It also dawned on me that Life is an amazing journey, it's for us to enjoy it or leave it as is. I can say now that I am HAPPY I am single and I'm slowly building my Faith with God while happily savoring the "spoon feeding" session with my Lord ans savior.

And that's right, I'd rather be single than marry the wrong one and suffer for the rest of my life. I wanted to enjoy the amazing journey of my life while I'm still young. And I'm ready to start my engine and step on the accelerator and begin the journey.

Now, a prayer has been answered and I am God's favorite! ^____~

Praise the Lord for having such kind of realization!